#time to throw myself into escapism ig

[thesapphicsoldier]

Genuinely fearing for my future as an American rn… but yay it’s stranger things day

[kurishiri]

spoilers for alfons route under the cut

thank you for the ask, anon!

Anonymous said:

Hiii, i wanted ask something regarding the ask about Alfons being "kissed" by others in the epilogue. When i first read it, it seemed to me like he was trying to make Kate feel better in his own way by spouting some lie like this to me? And doesn't him continuing his nightly escapades mean showing people who need them illusions instead of being sexual with them? I can't say that i'm an expert on him but characters like alfons usually become pretty jealous and possessive after they come to accept the love they starved for( there was an event where him kate and roger went to drinking and he shows this side of his openly i think) and to me Alfons doesn't seem like he would hold a double standard for his own "entertainment". Now i'm not saying it wouldn't happen but even if it did, i think it's in the instance where his former "playmates" throw themselves at him before he has a chance to react. Or i'm totally deluding myself lol but that was what came to my mind and i just wanted to share it.

One thing about Alfons is he's not gonna speak directly and twist words until they have the meaning he wants to deliver so i try reading into it rather than accept his words at face value. Sorry this got so long!

hii anon! first of all, sorry for the late reply!

first things first, i want to clarify that (according to al) it wasn’t that he was kissed by others, but rather he himself initiated the kiss. that may change the context then /nm that said, you’re right, he could be lying. he’s been suspected of lying multiple times — we really don’t know and it would be up to your interpretation. al promised not to have sex with others, yes, but well, kissing is sort of a separate thing from sex. the act of kissing (or sex) in and of itself was like a type of escape that al could give his “friends” anyway. it wasn’t an act of emotional intimacy, it was a means to provide a physical pleasure. he could give a kiss to all the women in the world, but the only one who he could give a “true love’s kiss” to is kate. it definitely does feel a bit more wishy washy in his case, haha. but he could be giving illusions, or he could be with his “friends” — they seem to fall under the same category.

that said, yeah, i do think he does get jealous pretty easily. and i also think it’s not necessarily out of his character to purposely try and make kate jealous as a way to make her keep thinking about him. i think it’s interesting to think abt al and double standards if i’m understanding right too — in fact, i think “double standards”…or maybe hypocrisy? english is hard lmao but anyway. i think it’s actually a sort of flaw of his in a way. for example, he wanted kate to keep thinking abt him and so he got really close to her, but when she actually did get close to him like he wanted her to, he pushes her away. or even how he “hated on roger” (which we all know that’s half bogus) because roger hid things from kate — as if he hadn’t done the same low key bfhkshfhsgds elbie sort of words this clearly in the past records featuring him and al, but perhaps bc elbie phrases this feature of al’s as though it’s an endearing feature of his (which ig it can be, yk, i think everything is up to interpretation. it’s similar to how jude gets easily irritated but it can be seen as endearing too bc “aww hes such a tsundere” mindset), we as readers may also think the same.

and fs! al’s words definitely are not and should not be meant to be taken at face value. its for this reason i do recommend his side stories; his thoughts are honest. and i mean, just look at alfons and roger. for all the hating alfons does on roger he went as far as to give an illusion to roger to make him forget abt al when he disappeared to confront the purification club. and as we know, he gave an illusion so that no one would have to be in pain or grieve for him when he died. to him, it was an act of kindness — one that he had given to roger as well. if he really hated roger, would he have gone so far? yes, al doesn’t think 100% positively of roger, but i don’t think he could ever dislike him fully either, especially when he can’t help but associate a couple positive memories with him.

[the-mandawhor1an]

The ally

Chapter 1 – Guided by the stars, connected by the force

Masterlist

⇐ Previous chapter | Next chapter ⇒

Pairing: Din Djarin x original female character

Chapter summary: Gideon is defeated and the child is safe. Maia now has to face the Mandalorian, but rather than appearing as a supporter, she needs his help. 

Warnings: 18+ content, MDNI! Canon-typical violence, description of injury, lots of blood, a sprinkle of tension, near death experience  

Words: 4k

A/N: And so it begins. I’m leaning a bit into the awkwardness of it all. I’m trying to make the injury/blood loss as realistic as I can (without ever having experienced something myself) I’m adding translations to the Mando’a parts after the chapter. For now it’s just cursing. 

Out on the lava fields, Gideon’s TIE fighter laid in pieces, strewn about on the dark volcanic rock. The Mandalorian had just landed beside his allies. They had won. Maia, however, did not feel like celebrating. Frankly, she felt the urge to throw up. It had definitely played out a lot differently in her head, interfering and helping the man in shiny armor escape from the Imperials. 

Her first entrance, while the Mandalorian hadn’t seen it, was impressive. She had shouted down to Gideon from a rooftop, telling him to leave the bounty hunter and the child alone. She had felt so powerful when she fought the Stormtroopers, side by side with the man she had decided to help. Well, she might have gotten distracted by the sight of the Mandalorian taking on two Troopers at the same time. It did something to her. 

The explosion of the e-Blaster had separated them. While the Mandalorian and his companions had fled through the sewer systems, Maia had followed them as best as she could overground. 

Then, out on the lava fields, her plan had been to join them again, practically ambushing the ambush that waited for the child and its protectors to come out of the tunnel. And that’s where it went south. 

No, the Imperials didn’t find her. In fact, they were distracted themselves, focusing on the IG-Unit that greeted them instead of the ones they were looking for. Before anyone could run for cover, the Droid detonated, sending bits of itself flying through the air and tearing pieces off of the unsuspecting troopers. 

And that’s precisely when Maia missed the opportunity to duck herself and in quick succession was hit with not one, but two pieces of metal. The first grazed her head and split open the skin close to her hairline, the other pierced her groin on the left side. The pain was manageable due to the concussion she suffered simultaneously. But now her head was spinning, she was most likely critically injured and they were out in no mans land. 

Carefully she approached the two humans and the bounty hunter, pressing der left hand on the wound on her abdomen. The metal stuck out between her index and middle finger, fixing it in place as best as she could. Her cloak fell just over her left side, hiding the metal piece and the blood that’s soaking her tunic slowly. 

She had issues walking straight and therefore paid little attention to what was being said by the people she approached. But then, as she came closer, she picked up bits of their conversation. »… who cares who she is, she helped us kick their asses!« the dark-skinned male shrugged. Then, the woman that accompanied him, nodded in Maia’s direction. She has been detected. »Why don’t you ask her yourself?« The reflective helmet turned before his shoulders followed. The black t-visor fixated on the pathetic brunette figure that approached them. She must’ve looked a mess. 

»Who are you?« the modulated voice asked her. For a second she was busy trying to understand why there was a sudden sharp sting in her nape. Underneath that helmet, two eyes scanned over her, intensely, and she felt it. That was unusual and almost made Maia forget that he had asked her something. At least she could blame her head injury. »I’m … an ally. Kept the Imps outside busy while you escaped through the sewer system.« »Why are you helping us?« 

Shit. What was she supposed to say? The truth? Stars, no. Telling him she had camped out here, finally meeting him after looking for ten years? Absolutely not. A small green head poked out from the bag that hung at his hip. Large, dark brown eyes looked up to her. That could work. »It’s the child,« she motioned to the small green thing, making Mando’s shoulders tense up. »It’s probably force sensitive as I am, that’s why I came for aid. I didn’t want the Imperials to get their hands on it. That’s all.« She touched her forehead with her left hand, right into the slow stream of blood that ran across her temple. Something reflected in his chest plate, possibly the hilt of one of her lightsabers. She was too exhausted to get anxious about it. 

»Are you a Jedi?« was all he asked. The tension in his shoulders remained, but his voice sounded as neutral as before. »I don’t want to take it from you,« she let him know in hopes he’d relax a bit. The sting in her neck slowly subsided, at least. »I am somewhat of a Jedi, more than you are, that’s for sure. We don’t have the time for me to explain it to you, the Imperials are still out here. Besides…« She looked at her left hand, bloodied and she knew her right hand at this point probably stuck to her blood-drenched tunic. »I’m injured and need a medic, or bacta.« »The city isn’t far,« the other woman interrupted. »If she can walk, that is.« 

Maia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly the dull pain in her side worsened. Combined with her head spinning it was a miracle that she could stand still and keep a conversation. »Barely. I think I have a concussion, standing upright is hard enough.« The Mandalorian averted his gaze to look at the child, then, looked at Maia once more, to finally turn to the man in his company. »Karga, do you have medical supplies in your hideout?« Karga. Maia tried her best to remember the name, just in case. Karga shook his head »There should be, but who knows how the bar looks like, now. Guess med-supplies are the first thing you raid if a city is in ruins. Doubt she’ll make it there before she faints anyway. She’s pale as ash.« 

Again, the Mandalorian focused his gaze upon Maia, making her head practically throb with pain. »Ever flown with a jetpack?« he asked her. What? She blinked twice before shaking her head, regretting it immediately as it worsened her nausea. »Can’t say I have.« She definitely messed up her first impression big time. Hi, I’m Maia, I came to rescue you, failed miserably, now save me!

A sigh rumbled through the armor, as he pulled the child out of the bag. »Listen, I will only say this once. Hold onto the child, I will fly us over to the city. Don’t try anything, Jedi.« his modulated voice practically dripped with venom as he spit out the word to address her. Like she had a choice. She nodded and removed the hand from her wound to hold the child in both hands. The little green thing eyed her with its large, dark brown eyes. Neither did it seem scared or bothered by her bloodied hands, rather it looked curious about her. Maybe it could feel that they had something in common. Maybe it was the natural curiosity all children had. 

As gentle as he could, Mando picked her up and flew her over to the city. The metal shrapnel dug deeper into her flesh as she got pressed into the cold beskar, which in turn coaxed a grunt out of her. He must’ve seen the wound, making him put her down even gentler after landing. He took the child off of her hands and ordered the brunette to sit down on a bench. Slowly and under a lot of pain she shuffled to said bench, cursing under her breath. Her vision was slowly blurring and her head felt heavy. With her head rested against the wall behind her, she watched as the man in the metal armor roamed around the ruins that surrounded the immediate area. A constant mumble escaped the helmet, although Maia was too far to make out what he was saying. When he came back, he shook his head. »Nothing. We have to get that metal out of you,« he urged. Both knew that this would not help in the long run when no medical supplies were at their disposal. »I’ll bleed out,« she retorted. 

»You’ll die of sepsis if we don’t remove it. Osik,« he sighed. Either Maia’s decline was more rapid than she had thought, or he sounded genuinely distressed by the outlook of her passing. The child cooed from inside his carrier bag, again curiously eyeing the newly made friend. As if the Mandalorian had an idea, he turned his helmet toward the child. »Maybe it can save you.« 

Wait. He knew that force sensitive people could heal? Has the child done it before? 

»We’ll need shelter if we want to try it. How far is your ship?« »Not far. Just behind these buildings. Think you can make it there?« With another grunt that kind of turned into a pained moan, she rose from her resting spot and instantly pressed her hand back on the wound that was still losing blood. »I have to try.« 

The Razor Crest wasn’t far by any means, but for someone that was on the verge of passing out and could not feel one of her legs any more it took a while to get there. The incline on the ramp to get inside the ship was excruciating, forcing her to actually lift her feet instead of dragging them along the dark volcanic sand. Rather ungracefully she plopped down on the cold metal floor, another pained sound escaped her lungs. Her breathing had become labored and her vision was hazy. 

»Careful,« her companion softly said and knelt down beside her. Again, there was this warmth in his voice, and Maia wasn’t sure she was imagining it. With the child now on the floor next to her, the Mandalorian faced the woman first, then his foundling. »I’ll take out the metal, and then you do your magic thing, okay Kid?« And while the little green thing seemed to understand, its ears slowly sank. »Mando, I think it’s too weak, even with my support.« She leaned back all the way until her back and head were against the inner hull. Again, Mando cursed under his breath »Haar'chak.« Or at least Maia thought of it as a curse. Why was he so invested in saving her? It must’ve had to do with her being a Jedi. »There is one thing we can try. But you’ll have to trust me, which I doubt.« The helmet dipped ever so slightly to one side. She took that as him being curious to hear her idea. »I can… take some of your life force and transfer it. Just enough so I don’t die. I know this is a lot to ask. You owe me nothing. It’s all I can think of now…« A cough violently shook her and made her see stars from the pain for a moment. His arms extended just for a second, unsure what to do with her, it seemed. »Fark…« she hissed as tears welled up in her eyes. »Or you leave me here.« her voice was hoarse from the cough and barely louder than a whisper. 

»I don’t trust you,« he repeated, but sat down in front of her properly. »Just tell me what to do.« »You take the metal out, and then just press your hands onto the wound. The rest is my job if I don’t pass out. You should maybe take the gloves off.« He halted for a second but then the two toned gloves came of, revealing suspiciously human looking hands. »On the count of three,« he said as he held onto the piece of metal, sending another sharp pain through Maia’s spine. But instead of pulling on three, he pulled right as he said two and afterwards a large, indescribably warm hand pressed onto the now gushing wound. Maias smaller, equally bloody hands rested atop of his and she tried to blend out all the pain and discomfort she felt to heal her wound. »I hope this works,« he softly said, maybe more to himself, but due to the close proximity she could hear it just fine. »If it doesn’t, I don’t want to die a stranger. I’m Maia.« 

And not for the first time Maia experienced a way stronger connection to the stranger in front of her than she ever had with anyone else. A comforting warmth emitted from the palm of his hand, seeping into her skin. Maybe he felt it too, the weird tingling in every cell that was in contact with his skin. She focused on her wound, taking some of his life force to heal herself. With every passing moment of them being connected, images formed in her mind. Voices and noises echoed in her head. 

Darkness, the sounds of war. Approaching steps of droids. Fear. Helplessness. A battle droid coming into view. Blaster fire. A Mandalorian reaching out their hand. A child gets saved. 

Raymond’s voice. »My story might end here, but yours won’t. There is so much left for you to discover in this galaxy. Who you are, and who he is. I love you so much. Find him.« A blaster shot. Rage. 

»You make me consider bending rules I never thought about breaking before. Maybe we should go our separate ways.« Dread. »I don’t want to be responsible for you losing your ways.« Pain. A heavy heart and a farewell. 

The last thing she saw was obscured, as if she watched it through a veil. A man and a woman sharing a kiss. And yet the image seemed almost familiar. Her parents, perhaps? 

The image faded before she could make out any features. A loud metal clunk was the last thing she heard before she passed out. 

Some time later, unsure of how much had actually passed, she awoke, slowly raising her head and trying to blink away the blurriness in her vision. The child was fussing somewhere in the cargo bay. Slowly her eyes adapted to the bright light inside. Had it been this blinding before she passed out? 

Trying to locate the child, she turned her head only to bump into cold metal. She froze. The man sitting opposite her had also passed out and due to him pressing his hands on her, had slouched over and fallen to the front. Halfway onto her. His helmet now rested on her shoulder, tipped to the front to a dangerous degree. Right now she was stuck in between a large body clad in metal and the inner hull of the ship – stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to say. 

Large eyes looked at her from across the floor. The child needed her help, judging by its pointing to get into the small bay that resembled a makeshift bed. »Mando?« she gently asked, to no avail. She turned her head ever so slightly to listen for a reaction, getting a glance onto his neck in the process. All she could make out was the same tan skin she had seen on his hands and dark hair. Dark brown or maybe even black, she couldn’t tell while it was still halfway underneath the helmet. So maybe he was a human. The way he was snoring Mando was out cold and his position was probably not doing him any favors. Slouched against her with the chin almost tucked into his chest. And all that currently kept his helmet from falling was the wall behind Maia. »Kriff,« she huffed. She needed to get out of this compromising position. Not only did she want to help the child, involuntarily cuddling with a total stranger was weird to say the least. There was only one way to get out of this without him losing the helmet. Some things she had heard about the Mandalorians, and they were really nasty about taking the helmets off. 

Her hands slowly wandered along the hull behind her so she could push herself forward. There was no other way than to sit on his lap for a second, using her body to push him upright. With one hand she held onto the helmet as to not lose it in her effort. Just a split second she thought about touching the skin that momentarily laid bare, the curiosity in her almost too much to resist. His hands had been so warm and awfully gentle and she wondered if his neck could be any warmer. But she resisted. 

Sitting on his lap, she prayed to the universe for him to not wake up right about now. Her cheeks were flushed as she was chest to chest with the man, helmet practically in her hand and him completely powerless. She could have risked a peek. But she didn’t. 

The child disrupted her silent moment of contemplation with a giggle. »Don’t you dare,« she said to said little gremlin, although she obviously didn’t mean any harm in it. With the helmet properly back on Mando’s head, she gently lowered his torso to the back, making him lie down. And she got up. 

How long would it take him to wake up? She bit her lip, averting her gaze to get the child into his little cot. There it cuddled up and seemed to fall asleep instantly. »Well… what now?« she mumbled to herself. The ship was closed and judging by the silence, no one had come for them yet. Maia looked around. The sight of a sink greeted her. The blood on her tunic hadn’t completely dried yet, so maybe she could wash it before it was ruined.

She took off the heavy fabric that made up her cape before removing the stained top. Cold water ran over her hands and the once gray fabric, washing away as much of her as she could manage without any soap. Exhaustion still lingered in her body, she needed some rest. When her newly formed scar touched the cold metal sink, she whimpered and flexed away from it. When the water ran clear, she wrung out the shirt as best she could before putting it back on.

Mando grunted on the metal floor behind her, slowly coming to. Disoriented, he raised the helmet and cursed »Dank Farrik, what the –« As soon as he didn’t see the woman leaned against the hull, he bolted upright and looked around, only to find her sitting next to the cot, where the child was peacefully sleeping beside her. »What happened? How long was I out?« he asked and slowly rose to his feet. His voice was raspy and significantly deeper now. Judging by the noises he made while getting up, his back ached and maybe one or two joints as well. »We passed out. I don’t know for how long. Been 15 minutes since I woke up, I guess.« 

Right as he stood, Mando made the observation that his position had been changed. He turned to the wall where Maia had originally sat, then back to her, then looking at the ground where he had just gotten up from. His shoulders tensed instinctively as he must’ve remembered something about her touching him. »Have you touched my helmet?« 

Before she could think about an answer, he drew closer, forcing her to rise to her feet to retreat as to keep distance between them. With her hands raised at mid-torso height, she tried her best to give off no threatening energy. 

Oh, he was mad that she touched the helmet. »I did but PLEASE–« she cut off as he stepped closer. Obviously this instilled fear in her, which might have given off the wrong impression to him in this moment. »please, don’t come closer.« She looked straight into the black visor and tried to imagine eyes hidden beneath. His breath hitched ever so slightly, but he stopped and stayed where he was. »It was about to fall off of your head, so yes, I touched it.« »Have you seen my face?« »No.« »Can I trust you?« As in slow-motion her hands slowly lowered and her brows furrowed. Her head tilted ever so slightly to one side as she replied. »That’s for you to decide… You saved my life. To me this means something.« He sighed, but neither did he move to give her more space nor did he come closer, he just stood there, hands now on his hips.

»You will tell me who you are, now,« he almost growled. »You say you’re not a Jedi but you can sense the child, you can heal wounds without any meds. Sounds pretty Jedi to me.« He made another step closer, and Maia’s hand was instantly up again, this time higher, threatening. »Stay where you are.« Her voice was firm, although it was ever so slightly raspy. There was a lot of tension in both of them. 

Mando didn’t trust her, and Maia felt insanely unsafe. It wasn’t his presence per se, it was the mistrust he had that made him agitated for no reason. She wasn’t a threat to him unless he threatened her first. 

»I am force-sensitive. That doesn’t automatically make me a Jedi; just as much as wearing armor doesn’t make you a Mandalorian. You have your rules, the Jedi have theirs. The order fell when I was a child and I don’t live by their rules.« He remained unchanged in his position, so she kept going. »I don’t know why you’re looking for a Jedi. If I had to guess it’s because of the child. It needs a master.« »That’s right. He needs to be with his people, I thought you are one.« »I’m not.« His shoulders sank and he sighed in defeat. »Do you know where I can find a Jedi that can take care of the kid? It can’t stay with me.«  And again, his voice got softer. Maybe this was the exhaustion, or the disappointment that settled in. 

At least now Maia knew why he saved her in the first place. He thought she was valuable to his mission. 

»I don’t. I’m not sure Jedi would be accepting of me not living by their codex.« »You make it sound like they are cruel people.« »They’re not, I simply disagree with their principles. Not being allowed to own or love because the fear of losing might turn one to the dark side.« Stars, she sounded absolutely unbearable, but she continued. »I have wronged a lot of people in my life. The fact I’m even still alive is all thanks to my fa–« she bit her lip. It has been a decade since he passed but Raymond’s death still hurt because she never allowed herself to properly grieve. »Thanks to the sacrifice of someone who loved me. I dont want to believe that love is wrong when it saved my life.« 

This struck a nerve within him, it seemed. His posture gradually softened. »I’m sorry, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot.« Finally, Maia’s hand sank down and she also slowly let the tension in her body fade. »Thanks. I still owe you my life, though. You might not have found the Jedi you’ve been looking for, but I can help you keep the child safe until you do. If you let me.« »Alright.« 

A soft smile crept up to her lips, before Mando turned to close the child’s resting place. »Come with me.« He motioned to follow her up the ladder. She grabbed her cape before following him. He continued. »I will look for other Mandalorians, they can help us find a Jedi. After my last visit to Nevarro they had to leave the planet, that makes things a bit difficult.« He sat down on the pilot seat, whereas Maia sat down behind him on one of the passenger seats. »Do you have any leads?« »I have my contacts.« 

And with that the Razor Crest left Nevarro. 

Translations: 

Osik - shit

Haar'chak - Damn it

[nightfallsystem-moved]

im so anxious i keep shaking i feel like i m going to pass out or throw up or both i honestly dont know what to do ig i just. keep device (phone) nearby me just in case but idk

everytime i get emotionally abused theres nothing i can do no escape no nothing i just get hurt

it could happen at any moment

hahhhh im not gonna make it to adulthood am i (its rlly a shame)

i dont know what to do i just make cute things to cope now but that wont work

but im so anxious i feel like it could happen at any time i feel like just killing myself because i cant bear to get hurt again but im a coward so i fail all the time

idk what to do anymore theres no escape i want to die i want to throw up i want out

she hasnt looked at me in days and the last time she talked to me she sounded mad bcuz i didnt reply to her "good morning" because i got startled and jumped

it could happen at any moment . any moment. probably when im not prepared.

[a-vague-recollection]

Hello there. How's life treating you these days?

I was down a few days ago. The usual I suppose. But this chat I had with a friend two years ago came to mind and I decided to scroll those messages. Both of us, at the time, had a similar kind of hurting or pain. We were scratched by the same thorns, so to say. And despite us being 'just-good-friends' through out school, latched together to lament on this common pain. It certainly helped me. Just ranting stuff on her chat and she'd reply when she found the time to do so. And that's how it was. We did that for a few months. I would be the person to lift her up if she felt down and she'd be the one doing that when I'd feel like throwing myself into water. Don't get me wrong, I've never been suicidal, and I'm grateful for that. Just that sometimes one would want to bury themselves under water. Sometimes you crave for breathlessness because life's hitting you all at once and you feel like you don't have a chance so you kinda wish for it to come for you all together. All at once. So you may rise again and gasp for air. Breathe new again. And be granted a second chance. The whole thing was nice. To vomit feelings in its truest forms because she wouldn't cringe. She wouldn't think I was being emotional or immature. It was nice. I hope she felt that too. But reading those text messages then has not only made me reminisce the friendship I had but also allowed me to see myself in a different light. I was a bit more braver then. At 18, I was a bit more hopeful. I could let my tongue slip and say words of compassion and encouragement without the fear of being judged. I could venture out for long lost friends and start talking to them just because I wanted to talk. The thoughts of whether I'm the one who messages first or am I being a nuisance or do they think I'm kinda stupid or silly to want to build this friendship even though there's no reason for it now. We're no longer in the same class or school. Don't have mutual friends. Didn't really meet anywhere recently. Why is she forging this now? Those thoughts seemed to always escape me. I'm genuinely interested in this person, who cares about the rest anyways? But unfortunately, these thoughts never seem to leave me now. The 'what would they think?' has made me backspace a lot of paragraph messages on how I had a dream of them last night, or I saw this thing on TV and it reminded me of that time, or how I think they're wonderful for this reason, or how I'm just really happy to have had a friend like them, or how I'm randomly reminded of that one time they did this. O r how they weren't supposed to have done that. Anyways, as you can see I'm reminded of people a lot. I bet others are too. And it's sad that they will never know because I got scared. anxious. For no reason at all. So, now I'm kinda making it a point to sent these random reminders I have of these people, if I get bothered for more than 10 minutes. Yeah kinda long but I overthink so yeah. I would love to receive a random paragraph long text from any friend. Whether its about me or their day or anything at all wouldn't matter. The fact that they thought of me would be enough to warm my heart. So why not do the same? As that one Barbie song, "

Sometimes when you need a friend, just need to be a friend. Gotta spin the whole picture around You need to share your light, help someone learn to fly..." So there's that. And oh, about that chat I had with her. We haven't texted since last summer. Life's been good ig. I hope it has been for her as well. Thanks for reading till the end. Share you're thoughts please. I'd love to know. Yours Truly, X

[juviin]

just googled the least painful ways to *** we are NOT doing well in this chilis tonight friends

[onlyswan]

summary: in which you and jungkook go on a spontaneous drive.

> fluff / wc: 2.7k

> warnings: sexual innuendo, fake gagging, mentions of throwing up, fish ?

note: i struggle with writer’s block for days then come up with scenes like this i can’t stand myself 😭 like the last part . . . iykyk.

—

jungkook watches the shotgun seat pushed all the way back, where your curled up vessel is lying, wrapped in a fleece blanket. he suggested that the backseat may be more comfortable, but you said that he’d be too far away and he might feel lonely with an empty space beside him.

your nose scrunches at the strong smell of gas, and you can almost taste it on your tongue despite being unconscious. while he waits for his car to reach full tank, he unbuckles his seatbelt to steal a kiss from your lips. there is the faint smell and taste of your watermelon lip balm that lingers in the midst of the gas station. sweet. when you invade his senses. sweet, with a pinch of an emotion he can only name as love.

it is five in the morning, and you stay asleep as the sun slowly, slowly rises in its sweeps of pink and red clouds. it was his idea after all, to drive with no destination in mind at this time of the day. partly because he slept thirteen hours the day prior and he found it impossible to sleep again, mostly because he always wants to go on adventures with you. albeit, you stay asleep for almost the entire time.

when he woke you up an hour ago just to ask ‘want to go on a drive and get lost?’ he fully expected you to glare at him and pass out back to sleep. but instead, you almost crawled your way to the bathroom, washed your face and brushed your teeth, then announced that you were ready to go. he had to drag you back to the bedroom so he could clothe you.

“you weren’t about to get out of the house naked.” he scolded you, sounding annoyed as he slipped on your shorts.

“but i’m not.” you fought back quietly, head hanging low as you tried your best to stay awake.

he gritted his teeth. “your underwear barely covers anything.

“i can be naked if i want to. it’s just the car.”

jungkook sighed, knowing well that you like showing skin, even when nobody is watching. random fact: you sleep topless when you’re in a sour mood. for some scientific reason unknown to him, you do wake up bright and sunny the next morning.

“you never know what the day may bring. most likely, we’ll eat outside.”

“right. okay. because you’ll want to eat me instead.” you giggled incoherently, thoughts fuzzy around the egdes. you wrapped your arms around his neck, peppering the side of his face with kisses.

“fuck- yeah, that too.” he muttered under his breath as he picked you up to bring you to the car, grabbing his wallet and keys on the way out. only then, it registered to you that you left your phone on the bed. but you were too sleepy to alert your boyfriend, so you tightened your thighs around his waist and closed your eyes again.

his tongue unconsciously plays with his lip ring, zoning out as he thinks about you. god forbid, he truly doesn’t know what he did to deserve you in his life. just how much do you love him for you to agree to this no matter how tired and sleepy you are?

you might constantly bicker, but it’s always full of love and playfulness. no matter how ridiculous you think of each other because of certain quirks or interests, you trust him and he trusts you. cute, he whispers to himself before giving you one last tender kiss on the temple.

he rolls up the window and puts his seatbelt back on, grooving to the soft music from the speakers as he drives further away from his house to escape with his refuge.

—

you wake up three hours later, unmoving from your position. except you have jungkook’s phone in your hands, taking a video of the blue morning sky with baby powder by jenevieve plays in the background.

“post it on my ig story.” he grins, an elbow casually leaning by the window as his fingers play with his lip ring again. the man hasn’t left that thing alone since he got it. you had to constantly slap his hand away when it was still fresh so it wouldn’t get infected.

you do as he says without a word, still feeling groggy from sleep. you leave his phone over your tummy, and you entertain yourself with the moving sceneries outside the window. you don’t know where the hell you are, and you marvel at the familiar yet unfamiliar.

and then you’re holding hands with jungkook over the gear stick. even though this isn’t the first time that he grabbed your hand for this romantic gesture, your heart skips a beat at the thought that he still wants you as close as possible after all this time.

it’s a choice you both make, staying by each other’s side every day. until the every day became years.

he catches you staring at your tangled hands, the sunlight shining on his face makes his brown eyes a few shades lighter. he brings your hand up to press his lips on your skin before holding the gear stick with you again.

he briefly looks at you through the side mirror. “i love you.”

“i love you too.” you bite back the smiling forming on your lips, staring out the window again.

a dark tunnel. trees. trees. houses. little kids running. lavender. a woman opening an umbrella. you hear the music, but the words don’t register in your brain. more trees. a blue roof. brown birds. the clouds forming a light bulb. cosmos blooming near a stream. a cow still sleeping soundly under the sun. a fruit truck parked on the sidewalk. fallen leaves travelling aimlessly, fueled by the gentle wind. trees. tall and mighty. branches forming clouds. fruits as glistening christmas balls. how glorious. you want to be a tree.

as the car rolls through a speed bump, an idea pops in your head.

you dramatically gag, hand breaking away from jungkook to cover your mouth.

“babe, you okay?” he asks in concern, looking between you and the road back and forth.

“i feel nauseous. i-i can’t hold it.” you try your best sound panicked and distressed, sitting up to open the compartment infront of your seat. you quickly find an empty red plastic bag, and you bury your face in it.

“fuck- no, baby, hold on. not here.” he starts panicking too, nimble hands expertly parking the car beside the road.

you smile unknowingly, holding back your laughter and forcing your body to be stiff. jungkook has a very sensitive sense of smell, part reason why he is evidently hygienic. although you are the person he loves most in the world, there is no way in hell he won’t get annoyed with you throwing up in his car.

he goes around to fetch you, guiding you into walking by the bushes. you fake another gag with your urgent steps, still secretly laughing inside the bag.

“here, no one will see you.” he takes away the plastic bag and your facial muscles swiftly display a pained expression.

“wait, let me-” he holds back your hair, making sure there are no stray strands covering your face. his other hand rubs your back comfortingly, encouraging you to empty your stomach of your last meal. “go on, baby. so you’ll feel better. i have emergency clothes and toothbrush in the car so we can-”

you burst into fits of laughter, arms snaking around your boyfriend’s waist. “sorry. sorry. i’m joking! i just wanted to see what you’d do.”

he grunts in defeat, hands falling by his sides. “you really like to keep me on my toes, huh, baby?”

“yeah. just incase you were getting sleepy behind the wheel.” you giggle, kissing the corner of his lips. “wanna go to the beach?”

he only hears the crashing waves once you mention the beach. when he cranes his head to the back, he is greeted by the sea. one of the pros of having a day off on a weekday is that there are virtually less people in places that usually attracts them. it looks peaceful, and it almost makes him want to cry.

—

jungkook rents a cottage standing near the shore. he also had no choice but to buy the overpriced towels the owner sales-talked him into getting. he places them on top of the table before running back to his car on the cramped parking lot to get his sunscreen.

you stare out into the sea as you wait. the distinct smell of the saltwater and the sound of the waves and the birds melt away your weariness and worries.

the waters stretch out beyond your eyes could reach. there is the hyperawareness that there is another world deep under the blue, all the way down to the eerie trenches. and what brings a human the most thrill if not taking a dip into the great unknown?

you hum along to a random tune as you squirt sunscreen along your arms and legs, passing along the tube of sunscreen to your boyfriend before spreading the pearly white liquid on your skin. jungkook would go shirtless, except there’s not much sunscreen left to cover his entire upper body. either way, he decides he needs a little more of it for his shoulders, and he winces with a curse when too much sunscreen gets squeezed out from the tiny hole.

“baby, come here.” he coaxes you to move closer. you obey, and he scoops up some of the white magic from his tattooed shoulder. he leaves dots from your face to your neck, and then he blends them on your skin to protect it from the harsh sun.

“sticky.” you complain with a pout, rocking your feet back and forth in the air. the seat is too high that jungkook had to pick you up by the waist because you kept on slipping down when you tried to jump for it.

“skin cancer is real!” he chides for the nth time today, stretching your cheek with the tips of his fingers.

“never said it was fake.” you lightly slap his hand away with a grumble.

the next second, you’re barefoot sprinting towards the sea. the air parts as you power through, and it coalesce to fill up the spaces where your body has been. “the loser will do the dishes for the next two months!” you scream with a triumphant laugh.

“yah! this isn’t fucking fair!” he exclaims in disbelief, long limbs running as fast as they can, soles burning on the sand. but he is too late. once the saltwater soaks your feet, he has lost.

you cover your mouth in shock. you? defeating jungkook in a physical game? i mean, yes, there was a handicap. that’s because you fully expected to lose. anyhow, you are the one who does the dishes at home, so it doesn’t really matter whether you win or not.

you and jungkook reconcile where the water reaches your waist, and you smile at him teasingly. he frowns in response.

“i’m really happy that i won, so i’ll just do the dishes. don’t be sad!” you hold his face in your hands, pressing a kiss on his lips. he puckers them gently, and he chases you again when you make an attempt to pull away. he gives you two more light pecks.

you giggle at his lack of inhibition, turning your cheek so his lips land on your skin.

“i’ll do the dishes for two weeks instead. i have my pride.”

“okay. if that’s what you wa-” you get cut off when he splashes water on your face, the nostalgic yet unpleasant taste spreading on your tastebuds. drops of water drip down your hair and your face. you open your eyes with your mouth still slightly open, looking at him in shock.

and then it’s his turn to get wet. his childish joy gets dissolved when his whole body ends up submerged underwater. he stands back up, wiping his face with his hands as he coughs.

you watch him with a hand over your mouth, laughing silently.

“you’re really stepping up your game today, baby. what was in those fortune cookies from last night, huh?” he lightly pinches the sides of your waist with a mischievous smirk, refusing to admit defeat.

you squeal at the tickles that make your knees buckle, gripping his wrists tightly. but he doesn’t allow you mercy. he continues tickling your sides until you slip underwater, and you pinch your nose immediately because you’ve never learned how to properly hold your breath. should’ve paid for those swimming lessons instead of doll houses.

when you rise back up for oxygen, you find jungkook clapping his hands with his head thrown back, laughing out loud. “y-your face- your face. you should’ve seen it!”

“and when i catch you!” you scream, reaching for him but he swiftly dives into the water and swims away to where your feet can no longer touch the floor. you wallow in your fear of deep waters, folding your knees until the cold water reaches your neck.

with a grimace, you watch the water splash around as your boyfriend shows off his practiced strokes. “multi-talented bastard.”

—

you sit near the shore, the waves only reaching your exposed thighs. you patted yourself dry so you could grab jungkook’s phone in the car before you settled here, taking pictures of the beach and the sky. and the baby crab that stumbled as it ran across the rocky sand. thank god for water-resistant technology, you’re not too afraid to drop it.

your attention gets torn away from the screen when jungkook calls out your name. your head tilts to the side to watch him walk towards you, and your eyes almost bulge out of their sockets at the sight of him holding up a silver fish by its tail, long and thick in width. your thumb taps at the shutter with every step he takes, wanting to capture this moment to review the subject of your bewilderment later on. what the fuck goes on in your boyfriend’s mind?

he points at it, meeting you with a wide-eyed gaze as if he is also confused with himself.

you scramble to stand up. the fish increasingly looks intimidating as it draws nearer and nearer. “wait- shit- get it away from me! where did you even get that?!”

“back there.” he looks back at the sea, swinging the fish casually using his strong, inked hand. you flinch in surprise, leaning back to avoid getting slapped. “i was swimming and i felt something touch my hand.”

“and you brought it here because?” you ask him quizzically, raising your eyebrows as you gaze at the fish warily.

“you said you’re hungry. you wanna eat it?” he puts the fish in the middle of his chest as a make-shift necktie, his face painted with a beam of amusement.

you blink at him nonchalantly, snapping another picture like he wordlessly asked you to. “what even is it?”

he shrugs, catching the other end of the fish to inspect it in full scale. “i have no idea.”

“then just put it back and let’s grab fast food or something. i saw the people beside our cottage eating chicken and burger.”

he juts out his bottom lip, purposely drooping his eyes to make himself look sad. look, this tactic will definitely work like a charm at any other day. but only when he’s not cradling a damn fish like a baby.

“babe, it’s a relief to know that you can catch fish with your bare hands if we ever get stranded on an island. but that looks scary.”

“what do you mean? it’s cute!” he interjects, determined to defend his sea creature.

you swallow nervously when he carefully bends the fish, forming a big heart.

“see?”

that . . . that horrifying thing is just not cute.

“jeon jungkook, put it back or i’ll drown you!”

he smiles widely in jest, soaked strands of hair falling infront of his eyes like dominoes. your eyes flicker at his lip ring that twinkles under the blinding sunlight.

“but won’t you take a picture of us first?”

—

taglist! @alanniys @jjkeverlast @queenofdragonsandcats @yvesismywife @enhypenslay @cramseys @witchfqllen @virgogentlejk @rkie @jeonwiixard @monilyv @bermudaisy @ameliejeannelaurent @takochelle @the1921-monsters @investedreader @seagulljk @yeow6n @yoonqkiss @hopeworldjimin @lllucere @unnatae @zqynmlk + send an ask / dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

[bitchlessdino]

Milk Me (M)

Pairing: junhui x gn!reader (@huiranghaes)

Genre: good ol' smut

Word count: 800ish

tags: blow job, mirror fixation, lace ties, pet names, spitting, cumplay, dumbification of junhui

author note: the fact i wrote this all in the same day, patting myself on the back. Happy birthday bb <3, my first moot, the one that gave me a lot of the opportunities i have today, i love you so much. jenna you mean absolutly so much to me and i hope you spend your birthday feeling loved and around the people you care about (aka me and ig svthub and tumblr moots too 🙄)

Junhui. Wen Junhui. Junhwi. Moon Junhwi.

It didn't matter how you say his name since it would roll off your tongue perfectly every single time. However, as much as you love his name, he likes hearing your voice call himself something else just a little bit more. 

“Baby boy, would you be so kind to tell me what you see in the mirror in front of you?”

You adore his exposed skin, clustered with red scratches that dragged along his otherwise beautiful torso. Your fingertips caress his skin like a feather, light but noticeable, his soft chuckles escaping under his heavy breath. “I see myself…with the love of my life.”

You smile against his back, lips pressing to his shoulder blade. “That’s right. Now.”

Your hand lowers down, tracing along he valley of his toned abdomen and past that perfectly sculpted waist to cup the underside of his balls. You run your hand over him, pressing the length up against his stomach where you drink in the fiery red tip, the mouth watering girth, every pretty vein, and how it grows bigger the more pressure you place on it. You look at his ear, drawing your lips near, ghosting over his sensitive skin, “Now what’s that?”

“Your cock. The cock was made for you and only you.” he manages to breathe out, feeling the hairs of his neck stiff up.

“Right again. Now tell me what you want to do with it.”

A slow, sallow breath leaves his lips, “I want you to use it. Use me…Milk me please”

His arms achely restrained in pretty lace ties helped up in prayer position to his chest, lightly tugging at its knots.

“Baby boy is so demanding, but I’ll give you what you want,” you take him by the forearm and shoving him in bed in a sit up position.

You kick his legs apart, spreading wide with just enough space for you to sit between. Your head slips through the loop of his arms, his tied wrist resting against the back of your next. Your eyes glisten in anticipation, one hand on his shaft, and then another. 

You drop a slick, thick ribbon of salvia down, slowly coating the side of him before rutting him through your hands. Junhui feels the slick sensation of your pressure, whining in that pretty way he does. You lick at your lips before pulling on hand away and wrapping your mouth around the tip. Junhui feels an itching sensation all over, the anticipation slowly killing him.

“Angel, please.”

The vibrations of your chuckles on his cock sent shivers down his spine, and goosebumps up his arms. You do him a favor by pushing past the tip and easing down, your eyes locked with him. Your swirl your tongue around the circumference, running him through your cheeks and bob. Your bitten lips, thick and wet wrapped tight around him, Junhui couldn’t help but audibly moan. His show was just as good as the effort he was given and all he could think about was how he was the luckiest guy in the world.

His tied hands behind your head push up against your scalp, pressing you deeper, covering more surface area. His hips instinctively thrust up, unable to help himself as he essentially fucks the back of your throat. He throws his head back mindlessly, lost in the pure chaos in his head unexplained by sloppiest top you were giving him. The squelching filled his ears, hips bucking to the pace of your rhythm, and he tries regaining his sanity. “Mouth…good…”

He lifts his head back up parallel the mirror from previously. His eyes glare back at the relection, absolutely gutted by the scene it gives. Your body, so willing yet domineering, mouth fucking him with every fiber of your being. He fingers through your hair, addicted by the heighten uses of his senses, feeling himself so incredibly close.

“Fuck…close…mmh…”

At those words, you don’t stop, instead the opposite. Ignoring the burning sensation of your force, the push him down your throat faster, harder, ensuing a staccato pacing of his breath before a loud groan. He spurts in your mouth, the hot liquid running smoothly down your throat before you pull the cock to have it land down on your tongue. You push yourself off from the ground, your filty hand presses firm on his thigh for balance, and you connect with his lips.

Your tongue transfers the cum straight to his mouth, letting him revel in the taste of himself through you. He pushes your head closer, his chest heaving against yours as he ran his tongue in you, feeling himself still aching beneath despite having already came just now. You tease along his tongue before releasing his with a bite to his bottom lip. Your foreheads rest against each other, both of you noticeably tired.

You grin at him like you have all night, a chaste kiss against his nose before pronouncing, “Best birthday gift ever.

[lipglosscherrybomb]

Late night confessions

I’m unbelievably bored so i decided to do this (i hate myself for even making this like I’m literally laughing rn this is so dumb and I’m embarrassed but if you wanna read i did try to take it seriously so go on ig)

*not proofread. Cause if i did I probably wouldn’t have posted it.*

Summary: You and Peter have been best friends for years, you’ve both been in love with each-other for the longest time but none of you have had the courage to confess your feelings. One night that was all about to change.

Warnings: mention of non-consensual touching, some angst.

~•~

There you were, hanging out in your room all by yourself. “Last kiss” by Taylor Swift plays on your laptop as you hugged the throw pillow in your bed as if you were 5 years old holding a teddy bear about to drift off and dream about chocolate rivers and cotton candy clouds. Instead you’re 17 and crying over another boy who didn’t actually like you but used you to get back at his ex-girlfriend.

You wanted to call Peter, let him comfort you, rant to you about how much of a jerk the guy was and how he never liked him then watch a movie with him until you felt better. But right now the last thing you wanted was another reminder of the fact that the guy you’re in love with isn’t in love with you and only thinks of you as his best friend.

Right then, just like clockwork, Your phone rings, Peter’s name flashing across the screen with a cute picture of him in his spider-suit and you next to him smiling as his head rests on your shoulder, you’d set it as his contact picture a few days ago. You smile at the memory and pick up the phone, pressing it to your ear.

“Hey” you try to sound as cheery as possible, trying to cover up the fact that you’ve been crying non-stop for hours.

“Hey…you okay? I heard you skipped last period and you never do that so I’m either starting to rub off on you or something really bad happened and you don’t wanna tell me” you knew he was making the joke to come off clueless, he knew something was wrong already.

“Nothing happened. Maybe I’m not just not as much of a rule-follower as you let yourself believe” you smile lightly.

“Okay rebel, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, seriously. You’re reaching.”

“Right, so if i came over right now that wouldn’t be a problem?”

“It would be, because I’m uh…doing homework” you cursed yourself silently in your head as you processed the half-assed excuse you knew he wouldn’t buy.

Right then you hear a tap on your window. Peter sits there on the fire escape for you to open up.

“Shit” you curse out openly in a whisper. Hanging up the phone and wiping your tears before heading towards the window. Your Spotify now playing “fake plastic trees” by Radiohead.

You sighed, opening the window and letting your friend in. You prayed to whatever celestial entity that was listening that he couldn’t tell your eyes were basically bloodshot.

“What did he do?” You could tell he was pissed off, ready to beat up anyone who’d hurt you.

“Chill out dude, seriously, it’s nothing. I’m fine” It wasn’t. But the last thing you want to do is cause a fight. You made your way to your bed and lied down.

“What happened?” He was now sat next to you. His voice softer. After all these years you still felt the same rush you did when he was close to you as the first time you realized you were in love with him. Your heart beat picked up. You hoped he couldn’t hear it even though you knew he could.

A certain feeling of insecurity made you sit up instead of lying down. You reached for your throw pillow to ease your nerves.

“It’s nothing okay?” You avoided eye contact now. “We were just hanging out, he wanted to do stuff, I didn’t want to, he got a little pushy so i left and he broke up with me later that day. End of story.”

“Did he touch you?” He sounded extremely pissed off now, you cringed.

“No, well- he tried but i pushed him off. It’s fine” It wasn’t, but you don’t want to cause problems.

“I’m gonna kill him, i swear” He got up abruptly, you grab his arm, your reflexes almost as quick as his but obviously not quite.

“You’ll do no such thing, Peter.” You pull him down and he lets you. Keeping eye-contact and looking at you as if you were the only person left in this world. That’s when you realized you were still holding his arm. In a self-conscious action, you blushed, intending to let go of the person who was making your head spin and your heart beat at an unnaturally fast pace.

As you were trying to pull away, he still hadn’t spoken, it felt like he froze in the moment how he looked at you so intensely. He wasn’t moving either, but as you tried to move your hand, he stopped you. You didn’t understand it, you guys touch all the time. Why was he so hung up on this moment. Why were you?

Your mind was going a million miles a minute. The familiar, stunningly-electric temporary rush was beginning to fade. You were used to it, it happened every time you touched him, and you always wondered if maybe he felt it too, this moment made you begin to think maybe he was just as in love with you as you were with him.

“I can’t stand the thought of anybody hurting you.” His voice was softer now, speaking in a volume that only you could hear, almost a whisper. He’s still keeping eye-contact. You shift on the spot directing your eyes to your computer instead where your spotify was open still. “Disintegration” by turnover was now playing.

I quickly learn that my efforts to avoid him were useless when you his hand on your cheek making you face him, though your gaze is fixated on the laptop. If you look at him now, you’ll kiss him. That might permanently dent your friendship with him. You can’t lose him. Not now, not ever.

“Y/n look at me” his voice is still soft, you can feel his eyes on the side of your face, his hand still on your cheek. “Please” he’s begging now. Hesitating, you finally face him.

“Why do you care so much?” Is all you managed to get out. You need answers. Even if he doesn’t care for you in that way you need to know.

“Because” he pauses for a moment. Suspicion is starting to hit you. “You’re my best-friend”

“No, Peter. This isn’t how you treat your ‘best-friend’, okay? This isn’t how you talk to your ‘best-friend’!” You step away now, confused and a little upset. You fold your arms over your chest as you move to the other side of the room, next to your desk.

He gets up as well and in a heartbeat he’s standing in front of you.

“Why are you so upset?” He tries to take your hand now. You won’t let him, not when he’s looking at you in that way that makes your heart melt.

“Because I don’t get you, Peter.” You’re frustrated, letting yourself lean against the wall.

“You don’t get me?! I don’t get you!” ‘Great, now we’ve both matched each-other’s frustration’ you think to yourself as you listen to him.

“I mean first you complain to me about all of the asshole guys you date, and i have to sit there and comfort you which I don’t mind doing at all because i love you, but then all i can think to myself is how much i like you and how i wish you were half as interested in me as you are in those other guys. Then i get home and i lay in bed and all i can think about is you, i mean, fuck, you’re all i ever think about. And the thing is that i love everything about you, i love everything you do. How perfectly your hair falls into place even when it’s messy, how beautiful you look when you’re when you’re doing something as simple as reading. How you put your hair behind your ears when you study. How good you always smell. How your smile lights up the entire room. How every time you touch me my heart beats so fast I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack. How badly i want to be with you…” You couldn’t take your eyes off him. You were entranced by his beauty, by his words. You were in shock.

“And how i really wish you’d say something right now” But you couldn’t.

“You love me?” Is all you could get out. And after everything you just heard you were really hoping he’d say yes.

“Of course i love you. I always have.” He’s getting closer and closer. Your breath hitches.

“Good.” You smile. “Because i love you too.”

In a second his lips are pressed against yours. His hands moving to your hips as you’re pressed up against the wall. You move your hands to his hair.

You couldn’t believe it, after all these years, he was in love with you. And now everything fell into place.

[down-thedrain]

mandela v2. elaborate 👁👁

so funny story this ask has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 months cuz i honestly didn't know how to even begin to describe what mandela v2 is. it's an enigma even i don't know what it is it's just a dark spot in my brain that i occasionally stick my head into and come out covered in ashes and piranhas but. i'll try ig !!

it's kinda just me taking the characters and very general rules of this universe and making like. a completely new story put of them . a lot of the events are similar but shuffled around and there's a ton of new shit and it is FULL of headcanons and really self indulgent shit lol. it's not based on anything and there's no central premise it's just. another version of tmc. hence v2

i can't list every change in there because even i don't know the full extent of the changes i made but uh

- cesar has a special interest in the occult because autistic cesar is real to ME okay. he writes a bunch of shit about alternates and they figure out how to channel spirits because they're just like that. he kinda becomes a hermit the older they get and they have a very normal kinship with alternates that definitely isn't anythign to worry about :)

- cesar lives his encounter with alt!cesar but mark doesn't so mark's ghost (after escaping limbo and reliving his trauma because mark has to be absolutely miserable all the time it's required by law) follows him around and cesar occasionally channels him. but it works like in ace attorney so he physically changes to look like mark n shit it's funky

- bps isn't a high school club turned society but rather a giant underground operation with a head council and divisions in mandela + bythorne + werksha + etc. with the main goal of fighting both alternates and the police wherever they can. they're the ones that discover that dragonbreath bullets kill alternates and they have an entire research division it's cool i love v2 bps

- jonah joins bps before adam does in this au and ze's kinda like. the vice president of bps despite technically being too young when they first join. they mean everything to me in this au you have no idea

- mandelatech is a much larger corporation too. bps/mcpd/mandelatech are like. 3 warring factions kinda (which. yes. means that dave and eve end up fighting w bps a lot. it's. eugh)

- thatcher stays as lieutenant a lot longer than he does in canon and ae's just. so pissed at everything god bless. ☕ wants everything to be okay but he buries those hopes in pure rage <3 ☕'s canonically won fights against alts with aer bare hands so people know not to fuck with him. he'd call canon thatcher wet and pathetic LOL

- generally v2's on a much larger scale and kinda considers the world of tmc as a whole, rather than just focusing on specific characters. idk i like worldbuilding it's fun so sue me. there are a lot of ocs that fill the space suffice to say and i am totally willing to just throw whatever i want in there. this au is my witch's cauldron

- mervin has some shit to do maybe good for him

i love this au but it's like. definitely my least comprehensible (except for maybe tmcblr is that even counts) i just do whatever the fuck i want and no one can stop me. don't ask me questions about it i don't have to explain myself

[thisisawonderfulusername]

you’re back

five hargreeves x reader

requested: @generouswombyrat

prompts: 19- “oh, and s/he’s totally in love with you.”

again i changed the prompt up a bit, but i think it’s close enough

summary: when five returns from the future, old feelings resurface

warnings: fluff fluff fluff, a dash of angst. for once there isn’t any cursing (i’m pretty sure) lmao

word count: 1.5k

a/n: a few changes to the universe ig: five returns around the same age as the siblings, and not in his thirteen y/o body. reader is not one of the adopted ones, and not one of the forty-three. i was actually working on this all week while sitting in my classes lol. i really hope it meets expectations, i really like it myself. alrighty, enjoy!

the musical voice of tiffany darwish can be heard throughout the house, muffled through the walls of five’s childhood bedroom. you stand at the window, looking out at the fire escape you used to climb up, just to hang out with him.

with a sigh, you turn around to look at the rest of the room. it’s spotless. you assume it has been for a while now. grace definitely kept up with the whole house, even with all of the kids gone. there was no layer of dust, all of the old uniforms in the closet are still ironed. it brings you back to those days, and it’s hard to believe that it’s been sixteen years since he disappeared.

you can remember that day like yesterday, yet you were only thirteen then.

-

you looked up at the fire escape, taking a short breath. you have done this for years, and you had perfected the technique of getting your coffee and donuts past the ladder to the first platform.

the bag of donuts is held in your teeth, freeing one of your hands. the other holds the tray of the coffees, and you carefully put a foot on the first rung of the ladder, before grabbing on to the side it and pulling yourself.

it used to be a slow process, but you have mastered it by now. slide your hand up, and step up a few more rungs. when you got close enough, you placed the tray and donuts on the platform and climbed the rest of the way. luckily, the rest of the way up was stairs.

when you got to the window and knocked on the glass a few times, you expected five to open it like always, but instead it was vanya who appeared.

your eyebrows furrowed as she pushed the window open, and you hesitantly climbed in. sitting on the sill and silently dropping to the floor, to avoid the risk of his father finding out that you were here. “vanya? where’s five?”

she seemed nervous, which you thought was weird. you slowly placed the food on his desk as she played with her fingers.

“he’s- he’s gone, y/n.”

you think you’ve heard her wrong. you had to. there was just no way.

“what?” you question in disbelief, hating the small crack in your voice. “what do you mean, ‘gone’? what do you mean?” you sound more desperate the more you speak.

“he ran out.” she explains, avoiding eye contact. “during dinner. he was arguing with dad about time travel and he just- he just left.”

you fall onto the edge of his bed, feeling the tears beginning to swell in your eyes. “no.” you whisper to yourself, “no!”

before you know it, you’re sobbing, and vanya is at your side to comfort you.

-

you bite your lip as the memory rises to the surface. sitting on the bed, you focus on the lyrics playing.

i think we’re alone now

the beating of our hearts is the only sound

the music stops as there’s a loud rumble is heard outside. the whole house feels like it’s shaking and outside, there is flashing blue light that floods into the room through the window.

you run down the stairs, and into the large courtyard. there, in the sky, is a glowing blue portal type thing.

“what is it?” you hear vanya ask.

“don’t get too close!” allison’s voice, and then,

“yeah, no shit.”

luther pushes past everyone, looking up at the thing. “looks like some sort of temporal anomaly. either that or a miniature black hole. one of the two.”

“pretty big difference there, paul bunyan.” diego tells him.

“out of the way!” klaus comes running out of the house, and you quickly step to the side as he rushes forward with a fire extinguisher, spraying at the anomaly before giving up and just throwing it in. it disappears.

“what is that gonna do?” you shout over the loud rumbling.

“i don’t know,” klaus shrugs, a whine in his tone, “do you have a better idea?”

electricity starts to crackle around the portal, and klaus is falling back behind everyone again.

“everybody get behind me.” luther commands, and you don’t mind listening to him for once, but of course diego has to step in front too.

“i vote for running, come on!” klaus yells.

you watch as you can see a person pushing through before falling onto the ground from the portal.

as if it didn’t happen, the thunder and electricity in the air disappear, and all of you step forward towards the man. your eyebrows furrow as you think you recognize him while he is standing up.

“does anyone else see...” klaus points towards him, “he looks like a grown up five.”

your eyes widen as you realize that he’s right. “oh my god.” you rush forward, grabbing him and crushing him in a hug. “oh my god, you’re back!”

“they’re totally in love with each other.” you can hear klaus say it, and your face suddenly feels hot, but you choose to ignore it.

-

you’re back in his room, and the memory of him disappearing that day is replaced by all of the good times you had together. thinking about what klaus said, you think that he just might be right. you felt it when you were younger- of course you didn’t realize what it was at the time. you felt like a kid again. heart racing at the sight of him... all grown up.

yet he still looked like your five.

“i missed you.” your voice is surprisingly quiet as you lay on your back next to him, staring up at the ceiling as you play with your fingers that rest on your stomach.

“i missed you too.” his voice is quiet as well, and you turn your head ever so slightly to catch a small glimpse at him.

biting your lip for a moment, you think about what to say. “where were you?” you decide to ask, and you can tell that the question makes him tense for a moment.

he takes a glance at you, before taking a deep breath. “i got stuck in the future.” he tells you, and your eyebrows furrow slightly.

“stuck?” you repeat.

“yeah.” he gives a small nod with the confirmation, “i overestimated myself, and the consequences were like some sort of sick punishment. i should have just listened to that old man.”

there’s quiet for a moment as you wonder what he meant by a punishment. turning on your side, you look at him. “what do you mean? was it not just… normal?”

his head turns and his eyes meet yours, and you can see some sort of pain in them. “it was an apocalypse.”

you’re stunned into silence, and your lips just hang apart as you try to process his confession. “i don’t know how it happened, but there was fire and everything was just crumbled to the ground and-” he gulps slightly, and your eyes soften, “i saw all of them. dead.”

“oh my god, five.” you know who he meant, and you can only imagine what he felt in that moment. your hand meets his and you hold it softly. “i’m so sorry.”

“it wasn’t your fault.” you can feel his grip around your hand tighten slightly. “i just wish i wasn’t stupid enough to actually try that.”

“well...” you pause for a moment, not exactly sure what to say. “you’re back now, and that’s all that matters.” of course it’s not all that matters. he must have gathered so much trauma over the sixteen years he was stuck in a literal wasteland… you couldn’t imagine having to go through that.

he’s quiet for a second, before he turns on his side as well and your eyes meet. it was like staring into the past. “it is.” his agreement is surprising, but it makes you smile softly.

a long silence falls, and it feels like you’re just staring into his eyes for what could be hours, but in reality it was only really a few minutes or even less.

you take a shaky breath. “can i kiss you?” the question slips from your mouth unexpectedly, and you nearly slap yourself in the face. “god, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean-”

you aren’t able to finish your apology for the words you blurted out because he had leaned forward and caught your lips in his.

it seemed like something you were waiting for for years. maybe you were. it felt right.

it doesn’t last long enough for you, but you feel like the oxygen has been sucked from your body as you open your eyes to look at him. a small smile spreads across your face.

“i’m glad you’re back.”

taglists

main: @horrorklaus @megasimpleplan4ever  

tua: @rasberrymay @noodlextrash @atomicpillar @malfovs  @andreasworlsboring101​  

five taglist: @anapocalypseinmymind @five-hargreeves-official @insatiable-ivy @coffee-e-addict @xplrreylo @fandomfreakff @colie-babi @flowertoty @avovada @badwolf00593

[leia-imogen]

aaron & the family he's found all by himself; vol. 2 // vol. 1

( ft. short jokes, a belated birthday shopping trip, & an ultra-chaotic winter break )

( for @criswisstuff & anyone who enjoyed the first one <3 )

savannah, who is 5'9, is constantly teasing aaron and cleo for being short. katelyn's good at 5'6, and also a bit impossible to tease bcs she's the actual best, so she gets to escape this

cleo ( 5'2 ) is perfectly delighted to have someone shorter than her for once in her life, even by only 2 inches

aaron: guys, just try and see this from my point of view

sav: [ collapses ]

katelyn: [ crouches down ]

cleo: [ sits cross-legged on floor ]

aaron: dude you're literally 2 inches taller than me

cleo: 2 and a quarter

sav is so smug about this but in a good-natured way, in that she and cleo call aaron "kid" or "kiddo" or "pipsqueak" and he doesn't mind bcs they always say it w such a huge smile and he likes to respond to sav with "how's the weather up there, tall-ass?"

and katelyn thinks it's ridiculously adorable how tiny aaron is and obviously she uses him as an armrest all the time

katelyn, petting aaron's hair: guys guys omg he's like an angsty mini blond kitten and i would kill for him <3

sav, popping up between them: mini-yard :))

before i get super distracted, i just wanna mention that aaron met sav and cleo towards the end of november, so they missed the twin's birthday

but sav still insists that she must take him shopping bcs sure his fashion sense is fine but there's always room for improvement, isn't there, aaron??

he relents, so long as she and cleo and katelyn ( who already gave him a birthday present?? why's she doing this??? ) don't spend too much money

sav drags him all around south carolina to the best thrift stores she can find and cleo and katelyn are amazed that she can get such fantastic deals on the supermodel clothes she wears

fr she's literally a fashion design major ( + minoring in business management ) and she shows up to class in skilfully done drugstore makeup and an absolutely killer outfit for like 15 bucks

she grew up poor, and she's still poor now, even if she ( thankfully ) managed to scrape a cheerleading scholarship

sav, flicking through a rack of dresses labelled $4 apiece: RIP to little miss rich bitch reynolds but i'm different ;)

no hate to allison she's awesome but she grew up in the lap of luxury surrounded by designer brands so she knows NOTHING about thrifting and rationing money in general

oh and sav and allison have kind of a frenemies thing going on bcs they're both fighting for the top spot of their fashion design course

they spend the whole day shopping and aaron ends up with a highly upgraded wardrobe that contains a lot of cute pastel stuff and sav's promise to do his makeup

aaron insists on paying for dinner at the really nice pizza place a short drive from campus even tho they all protest

and andrew knows he's found new friends, but has no idea that it's the vixens and he's dating one of them. nicky does tho, but he's sworn to secrecy

nicky thinks his new clothes are adorable and is stunned when aaron tells him the total cost

"oh my GOD that girl sounds like a genius."

"yeah, her name's sav. you guys,, would get along, i think."

okay now for the winter break part!!

i think that you can get permission to stay at dorms if you're an international student or something??

anyways since sav's super upset bcs her father straight-up told her not to come home bcs he has a new girlfriend ( god i hate sav's father )

katelyn would stay with her, but her dad can finally have her home in new york for christmas and she really doesn't want to miss it

cleo, the only one with a properly functional family, is going back to her big family house and loving parents and grandma and aunt and siblings and cousins. love that for her.

so aaron and sav are stuck at psu for 2 weeks and aaron's surprisingly cool with this. and sav's excited bcs for the first time since her mom died, she can spend her christmas with someone she actually wants around instead of her shitty-ass father and his constant stream of bitchy girlfriends

they spend a lot of time together, stealing food from the athlete's dining hall to make their own weird combos, which usually ends with aaron making something Cool and Interesting and sav gagging and spitting out whatever strange concoction she had previously insisted would taste good

i literally can't bring myself to give a shit about the twinyards' deal bcs andrew literally became best friends with renee?? and hooks up with guys at eden’s??? idk what's going on there but it's like andrew is trying to control aaron's life while he can do whatever he wants??? and honestly wtf????

also let me just make it clear that i ADORE andrew so so much he's one of my favourite comfort characters ever but i'm not gonna make excuses for his shitty behaviour. i fully believe he heals and puts away his pride to apologise to aaron, nicky, and kevin for his treatment of them

that's definitely not to say that aaron's internalised homophobia isn't eww, but with so many important people in his life gay, he makes a huge effort to get over it

so andrew just thinks that aaron is spending a lot of time in the library or out with nicky or something

and when aaron tells sav about this deal, she's kinda horrified, but it's pretty clear to her that aaron so desperately wants to fix his relationship with his brother, and she's not in any place to discourage him, is she?

the only thing she can do is hope that he won't come out all the worse for it

and stare at the boy curled up on the other end of the pale pink sofa cleo's parents had gotten, wonder just how much shit he'd been put through, and decide she was going to be his best friend

aaron's face has gone entirely impassive. sav nudges his fluffy-socked foot with her own, then reaches out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. "careful, you'll wrinkle your pretty little face."

aaron is very caught off guard by this, and very promptly flushes bright red, which contrasts with the pale teal hoodie he stole from katelyn

"okay, enough talk about depressing crap. wanna go make christmas cookies now?"

"yeah."

so they make christmas cookies. well, it was supposed to be christmas cookies, but it turns into double chocolate fudge cookies somewhere along the line. neither of them knows how

them baking together is the definition of chaos. they're still blasting songs, and sav is singing along terribly

"yOu'Re A mEaN oNe, Mr. GrInCh," while poking aaron's cheek as he tries to mix something. he throws a handful of flour at her. "yOu ReAlLy ArE A hEel."

anyways obviously sav retaliates and that ends in a flour fight. it only stops when aaron deadass cracks an egg on sav's head and she smears chocolate into his hair

she also tries to make him sing along to baby, it's cold outside

"i'Ve GoT tO Go `wAAyyy~" she holds a spatula up to his face

"go away."

they video call katelyn, who takes one look at the mess in the cramped dorm kitchen and sighs so loudly and dramatically that her dad pops in and asks if everything's okay

aaron freezes up at the sight of him and sav quickly turns off the camera, bcs they both want to make good impressions on him, and being covered in various cookie ingredients just won't cut it, ya know?

the cookies turn out delicious and sav sends all their group chat various photos of the process, most of which consist of selfies with her making goofy faces while aaron is simultaneously baking and flipping off the camera

plus a several videos of sav enthusiastically dancing and mouthing the lyrics of, as follows, all i want for christmas is you, let it snow, and santa claus is coming to town and aggressively pointing a spatula at aaron

"c'mon aari, just sing! please??? please???? please you can do it i believe in you!!"

finally he just. gives up. "okay, you know what? fine, i'll sing to ONE and then you will STOP bothering me you insolent dumbass."

sav beams. santa baby starts playing. aaron is very clearly going through five stages of grief in 0.5 seconds

"go on," sav says sweetly as she slides in next to a pouting aaron, "i'll sing with you."

sav slings an arm around his shoulder and sways with him, so it's just her doing that and him grumpily mumbling the lyrics

and when the cookies are cooling down, they start cleaning the kitchen up. aaron rubs some spilled egg yolk into sav's hair but it goes pretty okay otherwise, since they're just listening to more christmas songs and chatting about light stuff, like aaron's biochem course, sav's fashion course, and their dumb classmates

aaron mostly listens tho, and learns that sav kind of hates allison reynolds for giving up her inheritance when she would do ANYTHING for even the tiniest fraction of that money

but she still thinks allison's gorgeous bcs c'mon

and that sav's dream is to one day open her own boutique!!

aaron spends most of the actual christmas day with the monsters at eden's bcs nicky and andrew wanted to

he spent a lot of the time texting on their group chat

doessavvyisgay: so u just go to a nightclub every week??

unaliveme: i mean yeah, i literally worked here for a while. we needed money and nicky was already working 2 jobs night and day

actualblessing: babe ur backstory is so tragic

unaliveme: i'm a fox for a reason ig

cleo.magda: Yes but-

doessavvyisgay renamed this conversation "aaron miniyard support group"

unaliveme: oh ffs

unaliveme: sav subject change go

doessavvyisgay: i'm at the clothes store what should i get?

actualblessing: something pretty :)

doessavvyisgay: sorry, i can't buy the cashier

cleo.magda: Wow.

doessavvyisgay: I DID GET HER NUMBER THO

unaliveme: lmaooo what's her name?

doessavvyisgay: uh

unaliveme: savannah istg u don't even know her name??

actualblessing: s a v

actualblessing: damn u really do be turning on the Charm tho

actualblessing: respect i didn't even talk to aaron till i asked him for notes bcs he has rly pretty notes and also a rly pretty face

actualblessing: and even then i was like :0

unaliveme: IT WAS CUTE I PROMISE

doessavvyisgay: u 2 = the only valid heterosexual couple

actualblessing: rt

unaliveme: oh shit i'm getting super drunk

cleo.magda: Aaron, you drink? That's not legal, get out of there right now. Kids these days-

unaliveme: cleo u have literally seen me get drunk af,, the first time we met,,, and anyways this is how my family bonds ✌🏻

doessavvyisgay: that's. so damn weird kiddo but go off ig

actualblessing: no go find better things to bond about other than alcohol and weird sweaty dancing

cleo.magda: Yeah, go watch some Christmas movies!

unaliveme: nicky makes us watch die hard every year

doessavvyisgay: see u in hell, kiddo ;)

cleo.magda: I meant things like The Polar Express and Home Alone.

actualblessing: merry christmas ya filthy animals!!

doessavvyisgay: merry xmas y'all i'm gonna go to that christmas party bcs i'm super bored

unaliveme: merry christmas mothers and fuckers

cleo.magda: Merry Christmas, you guys!

[everything-laito]

hey,,, i've seen this controversial opinion about laito not being sexually assaulted by cordelia. . .as the only opinion of laito that matters, what are your thoughts on it? i know you've made some posts in the past about cordelia and laito's relationship, but i think that now would be a good time to i guess, remake a post or clarify your thoughts so people could follow along?? i hope you enjoy your day.

*proceeds to crack all my knuckles at once*

This isn't really my own "response" cuz oh boy I'm sick of this petty ass drama lmao. To begin, SKLDJF I'm very flattered that you hold my opinion in that high of regard! I'd say there's others that have interesting interpretations of him too though :) but again, thank you :') glad you enjoy what I have to say!

I know I've already kinda responded to this via a screenshot here, just to hold you––and others reading this––over. As much as this is a great time to talk about a how-to-analysis, I’ll still put that as a separate post eventually, but I still will go over the philosophy of truth and writings etc. But anyways, to answer your initial questions, they’re under the cut!

And no, I’m not specifically calling anyone out here. These are just issues with the fandom that I find as a whole, along with some extremists. Thus, I’m not going to be putting tags for people to easily find this post because I don’t want to be wound up in this drama––once again this is just more commentary on the fandom as a whole, which hopefully you can apply to people you find!

I have a lot of my own thoughts about Cordelia and Laito’s relationship here (just in case if people need it):

1. Goes over potential grooming of Laito, facts about Cordelia and what happened before she did stuff to Laito, and when did she rape Laito for the first time?

2. Stuff about incest and how any relationship out of a parental/child relationship is abuse even if it’s not penetrative sex, more incest stuff, and just more thoughts on their relationship

3. Neuroplasticity, trauma, Karlheinz, and isolation

4. What does sexual trauma look like? And some stuff on Laito’s facade

5. More stuff on his facade, and projection on Yui

6. My thoughts on Laito’s dark fate vampire ending + Conclusion

7. Answering some inbox stuff relating to Cordelia

Sure I realize I might be missing some stuff but that’s just my whole analysis on them. I’ll probably make some follow up posts eventually but I’m not sure when that will be.

But as for this analysis/ramble, I’ll divide it up into sections:

The issue of hypocrisy in the Dialovers fandom:

I- oh dear god. Ok, just saying, there’s a lot of people being like “oh I hate Cordelia because she was abusive” then ??? yo??? Why do you like the boys?? They’re abusive and we see more of them than Cordelia??? I just personally hate hypocrisy. However, it’s okay to hate Cordelia! It’s okay to love Cordelia! It’s okay to hate the boys and it’s okay to love the boys too. But recognizing that you don’t like one or the other just because “they’re abusive” is a fallacy at that point.

The reason why so many people hate Karlheinz/Cordelia/Beatrix/Christa/Richter (or at least start off hating them) is because they are written as the villains of the story! Karl’s the main villain, and the rest (including the diaboys and Yui) are kinda just tragically wound up in his plans. You sympathize more with the boys because you spend more time with them and watch them grow! It’s a whole “us vs them” situation. Since those people were awful to the boys/the boys hate them, you’re like “yeah they’re bad!” But the issue with the whole “us vs them” situation (as in real life) is that people tend to excuse the actions done by the “us” party.

Same thing goes with extreme Karl/Cordelia/Richter fans (I’ve never seen a hardcore Beatrix/Christa fan but they’re probably out there). Some hate the diaboys but love the people in that party. They’ve also done some shitty stuff too! Bro, even Yui has done some terrible stuff! But that’s because she was a product of the events she was thrown into––and same with everyone else.

Karl has been the mastermind of all this, and for me I don’t have any sympathy for him, mainly because we’re not shown anything to sympathize with (except that he just is tired of living but idk why he wants to create a whole new race like lmao science nerd ig, I feel that king). A lot of people like him for his looks, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing––he’s a fictional character, objectify these characters however you want. This is more of a personal opinion of mine though. And maybe people do just sympathize with his outlook on life, that’s totally fine.

But since these characters are all attractive in their own regard, they all get the treatment of “pretty-boy” syndrome (Idek if that’s the exact name for it). Which is just the privilege pretty people get. But again, this is fictional, so it’s not necessarily important in this case. Bro I got into DL cuz of “ooga booga hot vampires” and stayed for the complex lore and characters (especially one complex character, wonder who that could be). I imagine most people got into DL because of that, or out of sheer curiosity.

Ok, I’m throwing out a lot of points but not really connecting them. Lemme give you an example: I don’t like Reiji. His character doesn’t vibe with me most of the time aside from the fact that he’s hilarious. But I just am very neutral/neutral-negative on his character. But I’m not like “oh cuz he’s mean/abusive” cuz LOL EVERYONES MEAN IN THIS GAME. Sure you can still say that, it’s just not a very strong claim. Hypocritical claims tend to be like that. Same with a lot of Yui haters. In this case, they’re more jealous that she’s there and not them, which I’ve explained a lot in this post about toxic femininity and Yui in the fandom etc. But it’s ok to just not like a character! It’s alright! I know someone who just doesn’t vibe with Subaru. She doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t vibe with him. There’s no need to defend it either. But the use of hypocrisy is my main issue, and I’ll get to that in the next section.

(There’s a really good post explaining this too but I cannot find it for the life of me. I think it was made by @/abottleofkarlheinz or @/the-madame21)

How opinions of fictional universes left unchecked can effect real life:

I’ve said this a little bit in that Dialover PSA post I’ve made about Yui that I linked a couple paragraphs ago. But the reasons why people say they hate Yui is concerning. If you don’t like Yui, that’s totally fine! Again you don’t need reasons to hate on a character or defend it. But if you do choose to defend those characters, make sure what you’re saying isn’t out of some other place in your heart. Let me explain.

In that “Yui PSA” post I made, I say how your attitudes in being critical of a fictional universe usually does reflect on who you are as a person, at least when you’re making certain claims. In that Yui post, I say that the hatred on Yui is a result of the “other girl” mentality. On top of that, it erases her experience as a survivor. Yes, this is a fictional character, but bringing that into real life can have some dire consequences if you don’t differentiate them. If you have the same attitude of Yui with other survivors if the “abuser is hot” then thaaaaaat’s so fucked up.

For example, there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers! That- that’s absolutely disgusting! Those real people killed living people and effected so many lives and families. Dude I have fictional crushes on fictional serial killers, and that’s different, because it is a removed universe. It’s why I can still call myself a lesbian but still have crushes on fictional male characters, for a further example (and vice versa! I have straight friends who crush on fictional characters of their same gender! But that doesn’t make them any less straight. And no, I’m not erasing bi people here either, just clarifying in case if you needed that).

Not being able to differentiate your opinions of a fictional universe can get very toxic. Like I love Laito, but I’m not like “omg I wish he was real so he could do that stuff to me uwu” like no!!! UH!!! I wouldn’t want to date anyone like him in real life! That’s literal abuse! And if Laito was here in real life it’s not a controlled environment, he’d literally be able to do anything with you, etc. That’s what makes a fantasy, a fantasy. They’re controlled.

Also vice versa, some people get really triggered by Dialovers, specifically Laito’s route. A lot of non-consensual acts that he does have been experienced by people in real life in any extent, myself included. For me, it’s a personal escape from that, because it is an environment where I am prepared for those events and can control my exposure to it. For some, they are reminded of the reality they had to experience. Fictional universes are inspired by real life, no matter what way you look at it. Real life people are making it, after all.

I feel like I’m going in so many circles, but trust me, I’m getting to the point.

I- I can’t explain this enough but it is most definitely implied that Cordelia had raped and sexually abused Laito. If it was explicit, DL would be an 18+ game, but they cannot do that in Japan. I’m not going to like defend this point because so many people (myself included) have defended this point. It’s implications carry over into Laito’s character and why he’s like this. He’s a textbook sexual abuse survivor. I just,,,, cannot explain this enough. Same thing with overwriting the abuse of Yui. They get jealous of Yui. Sure I’d say a good chunk of people have ravishment fantasies here. At least the 18+ people in the fandom who are into that stuff. But oh my dear god, ravishment fantasies are super super dangerous to enact in real life. It’s possible to do them, but it would take years of building up to that point in kink. That’s a whole other discussion though and I’m not incredibly comfortable talking about it knowing that minors read my blog (I’ll also have to say here: no minors in kink--its alright to educate yourself but pleaaaaaaaaaase don’t enact on any of those activities until you are of age, and even so that still can be dangerous right as you turn 18).

But anyways, saying that Yui should enjoy this because she’s experienced the ravishment fantasy you’ve dreamed of? Oh fucking hell, if you leave that opinion and mentality unchecked and it goes into real life, that’s incredibly awful. Abuse apologists are absolutely terrible people, almost as much as the abusers themselves.

If you twist the narrative that Laito loves Cordelia or Yui loves the boys at the end of the first game, that’s still––ughhhhhhhh. Especially when it’s so obvious that Laito has so many mental issues with Cordelia. His whole monologue and breakdown at the end of Dark Fate definitely tells us that he has had such an issue with Cordelia. And MB+ Laito is still Laito. As for Yui, dude she literally goes through stockholm syndrome in the first game like it is so goddamn apparent idek how to explain this at this point.

Ok dear god lmao wow, uh I think that’s answering the first couple of questions?

The philosophy of truth:

“Truth” has been an incredibly debated topic in philosophy for years. Truth is more of a subjective item rather than objective. Sure you can have personal objective truths, but they may not be the same truths for others. For example, a tomato is red. However, that tomato is red to me, because I am not color blind. A red-green color blind person may see the tomato as being brown or more muted in color. That’s their truth. They can’t really imagine what red is (ok depending on severity of their color blindness), considering they have not experienced the color red in the same way people who don’t have color blindness do. God uh, here’s a whole ass essay about truth, I’m cherry picking some of the things in there that are relevant to this.

Basically what I’m saying is, truth is very subjective. However, there are philosophers arguing a more objective truth. But that’s a whole other discussion. Also, this isn’t to support any political opinion, but I can use that as an example. Let’s go for well... The death penalty. I’m in America, we have the death penalty in some states. Yes, this is a very controversial topic, and no I’m not arguing the ethics of it here. Just hear me out.

If you live in Europe for example (except in Belarus and Russia––ok when I looked it up they consider Russia in Europe and technically it is but also there’s the whole chunk that is not- lmao even the truth of geography can be subjective), you might be like “yeah what the fuck are Americans doing?” (a common sentiment that I also share lmao). But yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Why is the death penalty still in existence? Yes, there’s statistics that prove that it doesn’t deter crime, but even crime rates is caused by a lot of different things too. Even statistics aren’t always accurate, because of many different factors. They’re not objective either, although good statisticians try their best to get good results and not skew the data. (please try to see where your data is coming from and who it is sponsored by––it matters a TON)

I’d say the closest thing we have as an objective truth to argue the death penalty or not is money. Money, although the concept is subjective, is a very objective currency. It’s why artists hate “exposure” compared to “money” as sole currency. The death penalty is very expensive, and not even used that often.

So, although money is currency made by us, and is technically 75% linen and 25% cotton (in America at least) with some funky dudes n numbers printed on it, it doesn’t sound that special. However, it would be considered as a baseline of some type of “objective truth” in ~society~ because people are typically on the same page of what money’s worth. Even so, this baseline of truth is still subjective! If Bill Gates accidentally has a $20 bill fall out of his pocket, that’s nothing to him! But if someone who’s working very hard to make ends meet loses that same amount of money, it could deal a lot of financial damage to that person.

Ok, hopefully you guys kind of get my drift. There are a lot of theories of truth, I’m just explaining one (honestly I forget the name of this theory) because it is the closest to the types of truth we are dealing with. And in this case, it’s called “canon.”

What the fuck is analysis:

The concept of “canon” is the objective truth that we have when analyzing universes. They’re our bread and butter of interpretation and extrapolation. The art of analysis clings to this notion of an objective truth. It needs a baseline. I’m going off of Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle, because that type of analysis I have the most experience with.

This is called rhetorical analysis. Rhetoric is the use of words in a persuasive fashion, and the analysis part is a breakdown of how words are used in order to achieve persuasiveness. I don’t typically use a lot of explicit rhetorical analysis in my personal writings, but I guess a version of it. Which typically has to deal with intention and execution. A lot of analysis on language has to do with this. Language is incredibly subjective. Certain words carry individual meanings to people. I have gone over the difference between real and lexical definitions before, and I’ll do it again.

I’ll just copy and paste what I’ve said before here from this analysis:

To put it simply, lexical definitions are the definitions you find in the dictionary. This is an “official” and “agreed upon” definition. Real definitions (quite a misleading name in my opinion) is the definition that’s more kind of “felt” in a way and how you internally interpret the word in context (these can be through individuals or any niche group). What I mean by this is that when you say a word (for example) to convey a feeling, you usually won’t know the dictionary definition off the top of your head. You say that something’s “savage” for example when you want to describe something violent or gruesomely awesome (it depends if it’s in a slang context or not) but there’s many lexical definitions (and outdated lexical definitions) of the term. But the first definition that usually comes up is “adj (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.”

But people typically don’t think of the lexical definition when they learn what a word means; they usually learn the context of it and apply it as such. And that’s what a “real” definition is. Laito has a differing definition of what affection and love is, and that’s his own meaning and what it means to him.

I’ll even add another example to that too. The word “cunt” in english refers to a vagina. That’s just it. It’s lexically synonymous with “vagina,” “pussy,” etc. However, “cunt” has a subjective meaning to it. This is where “real” definitions also come into play. Many people view the word as vulgar and dirty. And that’s cuz we live in a ~society~ lmao. Our use of language has shaped what this word means in a context outside of the dictionary. I’ll do you one more. The Japanese word マンコ (manko) is also vulgar slang that’s kind of like our word “cunt/pussy.” Sometimes I say “cunt” for jokes, but I don’t use it that often to begin with since it’s just a very strong word to most (albeit it’s not that strong of a word for me). However, マンコ is a strong word to many Japanese people, but if I hear it even though I’ve been learning Japanese, it doesn’t have that same effect as hearing “cunt” for me is (which still, idc if I really hear it depending on context) because I haven’t been shaped in a culture that uses Japanese.

Even so, tone, intention, and context is HUGE in this. If someone called me a “useless fucking cunt” when they’re angry at me, I’d be close to crying. If someone told that to me as a joke, I’d be like “lol yeah you right, bitchass” and if someone said that in a consensual sexual context, it would certainly tickle my masochistic heart.

DSLKFJ also sorry if you don’t like hearing that word, I just had to utilize a strong example for this. But anyways, now let’s change the lens to Dialovers.

No, it never explicitly says that Cordelia rapes Laito. It doesn’t. However, there’s this WACKY thing called being able to infer, reading between the lines, and identifying implications. Those are kind of all the same things. However, indirect exposition is used a lot in effective creative writing. The utilization of this type of exposition is more preferred when writing a story, because direct exposition is kind of referred to as “info-dumping” when used excessively. Forgive my jargon: this is just showing vs telling as we’re taught in every writing class. I’m personally very bad at it, which is why I stick to writing these, and stick to reading creative fiction. (NOT SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THIS TO NOT CONTINUE TO PRACTICE CREATIVE FICTION, I JUST DONT HAVE THE CURRENT MOTIVATION TO GET GOOD AT IT)

Dialovers uses a LOOOOOT of showing. And even so, its “showing” ability is very minimal considering the Japanese language can be vague on its own, it’s medium (visual novel) does not show a lot of things explicitly most of the time (and even when it is shown it doesn’t convey a lot). There’s several CGs of Laito and Yui where it doesn’t show the amount of pain or the dire situation Yui’s in, compared to what she’s saying she’s going through.

When I made my whole breakdown on Laito’s HDB route from Yui’s perspective, I got several comments about how they didn’t realize how bad his route really was. That’s either because people might not have experience with verbal abuse themselves, can’t exactly see Yui’s body language except her head (and even so, her expressions are limited), or don’t know a lot of gaslighting/verbal abuse techniques/have done research into it. Honestly verbal abuse is kind of hard to realize, so I’m not calling anyone dumb here. Despite me knowing a lot of the signs, I didn’t know I went through it––and even so I’ve denied it. And that’s what is so effective about this game though! Especially Laito’s route! Because you’re also sucked in with limited knowledge because you’re seeing this through Yui’s perspective, and on top of that it’s isolating. You can only make so many choices, and I feel like Dialovers is perfect as a visual novel. You get caught up with a lot of shock value things that Laito says, which serves as a perfect distraction for your first time through. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

For example, many people found his Maniac 07 chapter to be very confusing. I broke that one down here as well, and even so I was confused at first (also I was like 14/15, dear god). It tells you SO little, but you know that Laito’s incredibly upset at Richter for some reason, and even so, Yui comments on it a little too. Laito is shown to still hate Richter in DF, but he talks about it a tad more.

Here’s a further example from my writings in that first part of the Cordelia/Laito analysis series but I have bolded the terms I use to convey this rhetoric:

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

That’s what rhetorical analysis is. You take the contextual meaning of the words, the tone they use, and extrapolate what they imply. On top of this, we know that the term “love” here is sexual, implying that they did something sexual. We are not given the details of this, but considering we know that Laito uses “love” before he rapes Yui in the game, we can infer that’s what happened (or something similar) to himself with Cordelia, considering he projects on Yui quite a bit.

I was going to go over what is good/bad analysis, but I think I’ve implied it anyways here. Utilizing separate information from different sources of canon in order to make sense of something is good analysis. That’s our objective truth: canon. I’m not saying I’m the best at analysis, but I am fairly confident in it. It’s how I’m able to attempt to answer some of your “how would Laito react” questions without it being specifically hinted in the game. You cannot cherry pick specific sentences and go off of that alone for analysis. It’s context. It’s reading tone. It’s knowing the characters attitudes towards things, how they speak, etc. There’s a lot going into analysis in general. I know I didn’t elaborate on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle right now, but that’s for another date I suppose.

Oh dear god I hope I didn’t lose you guys, I know this is a lot of information, but if you have any questions/comments/clarifications, as always, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed! -Corn

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part II/VII)

"candy floss"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: grief, feels, brief mention of Fred x Reader ig?

A/N: I decided to name the parts bc why the fuck not so keep an eye on the titles 👀. This story is based off this convo and these headcanons. If you wanna be tagged in the next parts tell me, and enjoy <3

Prologue :the aftermath

Part I : sleepless nights

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The moment the last group of customers decided it was time to call it a day and exited the shop, I left the till counter and grabbed my wand from my pocket, instantly turning the sign in the door so it could be read from outside 'closed'.

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the multicolored wooden rail.

I was drained.

The shop helped our minds to get distracted and stray from the grief, yes, but it was also exhausting.

We had been subconsciously overworking ourselves to the point where it was borderline self-destructive.

It didn't help that I was throwing myself into comforting George, either. I could not be blamed for doing that, though; he was broken.

A part of me, the rational one, knew he would pick up the pieces and build himself up again, it would just take a lot of time.

There was another part of me, though, that depressed, drained part, that was beginning to think he would never heal by himself —maybe he wouldn't heal at all— but still held onto the hope that, if I tried hard enough, I would be able to mend what had been broken in him.

A terrible idea, really, because I started to dismiss in its entirety my own miserable, damaged state.

And George, ever the caring, sensible one, would have noticed that; he would have made me realize I was not doing nearly as well as I thought, he would have talked some sense into me, but he wouldn't— he couldn't, because George was lost in an ocean of grief, trying so hard not to drown that he wasn't able to notice I was trying to aid him from my very own sinking boat.

It also seemed to be working; he was more animated, slept more soundly, and his smile was a bit brighter even —at least the one he had for me.

"Rough day?" My eyes, which I didn't know I had closed, fluttered open at George's voice.

"Very."

He walked to me with a tinge of guilt in his face. "You know we can switch places, right?" I had been working as the public face of the shop since we had reopened, and George had taken on the task of doing the paperwork and shippings instead, showing up from time to time to help me and to let people know there was still a Weasley running the business.

I had been the one to suggest this, since I knew George had compromised with reopening only because of me, and he was clearly not ready to put up a sociable, positive attitude for dozens of people every day.

"Nah, it's fine like this." I assured him with a reassuring smile.

He measured me with his eyes for a second; I couldn't really tell if he saw through me or not. "So I was preparing the today's shippings," he rocked a tiny purple basket I quickly recognised in front of me. "I found this in the back of the stockroom."

"Are those—?"

"Candy floss cupcakes, yes." A year and a half ago we had bought five baskets of candy floss cupcakes from Honeydukes per George's request in order to unsuccessfully try and implement them.

"Are they even edible anymore?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I hope so?" He chuckled too, tearing the film covering the sweets. "Thought we might as well finish them."

My eyes travelled from the basket to him and viceversa before stating, "well I'm hungry so..."

"Same here." He was the first one to pull out a pastel colored cupcake, though he handed it to me. "Wanna get food poisoning together?" Laughing, I gave him a nod as he grabbed his own cupcake. "At the count of three?"

"One"

"Two"

"Three." We said in unison right before taking a bite of our respective madeleines.

I frowned at its surprisingly good flavour. "Am I delirious or are they actually edible?"

"Dunno," he shoved the rest of his cupcake into his mouth with a shrug. "maybe we're just starving."

"Go big or go home, I guess." I finished my cupcake before leaning on the basket to pick another one. My head snapped up with my brow quirked when I heard a soft chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing." George shook his head, motioning at the stairs. "Shall we sit down?" I followed his lead, sitting on the stairs and waiting for him, who had stepped towards the drinks aisle to grab a couple of juice bottles, to do the same.

We stayed there, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence until the basket was empty and our eyelids threatened to shut.

"I think we should head back to the flat." He spoke, leaving the half empty juice aside so he could stretch.

"I'm gonna learn how to cook." I stated, getting up. "We can't get by based on most likely expired sweets and whatever is in the Leaky Cauldron menu."

"Aight." He mimicked my actions, picking up the stuff we left on the stairs. "We will learn the basics tomorrow." He got behind me and began to gently push in the flat's direction. "But now we're gonna get some sleep, miss."

I would be lying if I said my heartbeat didn't pick up when his hands landed on my shoulder blades and made their way to rub both my arms reassuringly.

I would be lying if I denied I leaned back when he did that, letting myself get closer to his chest.

And I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't crave going back to my room so I could cuddle him all night.

One Week Later

"—right in the cauldron, love." I pointed at the cauldron besides me, giving a sweet smile to the kid in front of me, visibly going to be sick thanks to the free sample of Skiving Snackboxes.

"Y/n!" I spun around at the loud calling of my name above the shop's racket. I was able to discern a long, red mane flowing fast towards my position right on time for the owner to wrap her arms around me.

"Glad to see you too, Ginny." I laughed, trying not to lose balance due to her enthusiasm. "How come you're here?" I questioned, pulling away.

"We heard you were open." Harry walked up to me, appearing from behind the girl, "And thought we'd pay a visit to our friends, right?" Ginny nodded, looking around while Harry gave me a quick, yet comforting hug. "Where's George?"

I motioned up to the small office, redirecting the couple's eyes to the second floor. "Doing paperwork—AH!" I jolted when a pair of hands tickled my sides, my head snapping to see the towering ginger standing behind me. "Speaking of the devil."

"I thought I saw Gin through the window," George explained, his hands lingering on my waist for long enough to his sister to stare, before pulling Ginny into a tight hug. "And came down to check if she was distracting my employee."

"You got her all bored here, mate." Harry pointed out, a light joking tone in his voice.

"And you're the one supposed to help with that?" George rolled his eyes dramatically. "Pfft... What a world we live in." With the said, he gave the boy a side hug. I heard Harry murmur an 'We missed you' before they pulled away with a pat on the shoulder.

My gaze landed on the youngest Weasley, whose welled up eyes were trained on her older brother's half smile. I only averted my eyes and waited for her to discreetly wipe away the unspilled tears while Harry and George catched up.

By the letters she had sent me, I reckoned the last time she had been near George, he had been lifeless; seeing a glimpse of who was once one of the most cheerful, funny and charismatic people in her life, was probably poignant to Ginny.

I hadn't realized she had moved closer until I didn't hear her soft voice. "Thank you." I offered her a confused smile, though deep down I knew what she meant.

Two Days Later

George was having one of those days.

We both knew it was coming soon; it had to happen sooner rather than later, since he had been in a surprisingly good mood for almost a week. I suspected seeing Harry and Ginny had brought back the events of the Second of May.

I suggested to close the shop for the day, since he was unable to move out of bed; he refused to do so, but I convinced him to stay in the flat and rest —it was Tuesday, anyway; I wouldn't have to handle many customers.

Due to that, when I saw Hermione, Ron, Bill and Fleur entered the shop, it was understandable that I hadn't become the happiest person in the world.

I greeted them, there were hugs, kisses, and even a joke or two, and when Bill asked about George, I excused him without giving much detail.

They understood.

Fleur was the one to restart the conversation, lightening a bit before requesting a tour for the shop, since she had not yet been there.

It was when we reached the love potions that Hermione, using the fact that Fleur was very much interested in the product, held my hand and pulled me aside.

"So... how are you doing?" The frown in her face, the fact that she was whispering, the squeeze her hand gave mine, let me know she had read me the moment her eyes met mines.

I sighed with a shrug.

"You can tell me." Could I? "No one's asking you to put on a happy face, Y/n." The girl assured me, her eyes digging into mines. "It's not just George, we all lost—" she shook her head at her own words before correcting herself. "you lost him too."

I lost him too.

I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

The memory of Fred's broken smile as his corpse laid on the stretcher, that memory that haunted my dreams, appeared vividly before my eyes.

My lips started to burn with the ghost of that kiss he gave me before we split up, him with Percy and me with George; it hadn't been meant to be a goodbye kiss. It was meant to be a good luck kiss.

I covered my mouth to muffle a sob, and Hermione's arms were quick to be wrapped around me, reassuringly rubbing my back.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I saw them entering from Y/n's balcony; I wasn't emotionally ready to face them all at the same time, but when I didn't see them exit, I figured Y/n hadn't been able to dismiss them.

I decided I owed to them all to bite the bullet, so I threw on a shirt and the first trousers I grabbed, cleaned up a bit and left the flat.

With a deep breath, I made it to the second floor and mentally prepared myself to go down to the first one.

As I began to climb down, though, I noticed Hermione and Y/n talking in private, closer than the others to the stairs.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but all my senses were automatically focused on Y/n whenever we were in the same room; she just stole me away from reality.

"You lost him too."

Hermione's words visibly triggered something on Y/n.

'Something', as if I didn't know what they had triggered, as if I didn't know what— who was on her mind.

I guess he was always on her mind, though.

What was left of my heart shattered in a million pieces when she broke down to tears —for several reasons—. "I miss him." She whispered in Hermione's shoulder. "I miss him so much."

If I had any tears left, I would have cried my eyes out right there. Had I been so selfish that I had disregarded how she was feeling? So blinded by the light and love and warmth she was constantly giving me that I had forgotten about her grief? Was I that bad of a person, that I would have rather live in the illusion that she had not lost the boy she was dating?

My mind told me I didn't want any of those questions answered.

"George!" As Ron yelled my name in surprise, Hermione and Y/n pulled away, the latter rubbing her eyes while both of my brothers jogged upstairs to hug me. "Ginny told us you're open—"

"But Y/n said you weren't feeling well." Bill finished, squeezing my shoulder. "We only stayed a little longer for Fleur to see the shop."

"Yeah, we'll come back tomorrow," Ron assured me. "So you can rest and..."

My brother's voice sounded further and further with each word; I felt myself drifting off, getting lost in my own mind and gravitating towards the same thought over and over.

She deserves better.

[rhydium]

fuck it starfinite drabble

its 12pm n i haven't slept, @ the two (2) other fans of these dumbasses come get yall juice ig ???? played around w/ a concept i had n figured i'll just ... post it. why not. this takes place in my android infinite au, pre-relationship!! u don't rly need context other than that tbh ((but feel free to ask me abt it i will gladly infodump))

cw: loss of limb (infinite's arm; it gets reattached), references to blood n stuff in the context of intrusive thoughts. please lmk if i need more!!

×

"what on earth were you thinking?" starline near shouts, his voice exasperated, shaky with adrenaline. he's angry and he's afraid and it's, it's stupid, really, he can fix this, but his hands tremble as he rummages through his toolbox, eyes darting over to infinite; missing their right arm, wires sparking, broken and it's sickening. he has to look away again. breathe.

"you can't keep... you — you're being too reckless!"

"i don't have much other choice." infinite says, so simply, so infuriatingly calm, so calm, such disregard for the fact they just had a limb blown off.

starline finds the last screwdriver he needs, but continues to sift around, poking and prodding and inspecting wrenches as if he's still looking for something. if he stops that means having to face this and he isn't ready — he needs to, but he can't.

"why?" he asks, ignoring the way his voice cracks, swallows the dry lump in his throat, "why, infinite?"

"is it really not obvious?"

starline grits his teeth, squeezes his eyes shut. his hands grip the edge of the box. "no!! it isn't!"

"i can be repaired. rebuilt. you can't. it's not that complicated. if one of us gets hit then logically it should be me."

his chest seizes as the words sink in, sink through his skin and down, down, down into his stomach like a stone; his gut churns and twists with guilt.

no... no, that's —

"that's stupid!" starline hisses. that self-sacrificing, idiotic...!

he whips around, locking eyes with infinite, don't look at their arm, don't look at it, don't look at the socket.

"don't speak like that. ever again."

whether it's his expression, his tone, infinite seems taken aback, almost appearing to flinch. they stare at him, frowning, though in a way more indicative of confusion than anger.

"like what?"

"like you're disposable!!"

...fuck.

there's a long moment of silence after starline's outburst. he pulls in a deep breath, pinches the bridge of his bill, averting his eyes to the floor, anywhere else, anywhere but infinite. he thinks about apologising — he shouldn't have yelled like that — but infinite is, this can't continue, they're being nonsensical, they keep endangering themselves, it can't.

"i... you just don't get it, do you?" he murmurs, shaking his head, running a hand through his hair. a small, strained laugh escapes his throat, voice thin. "do you have any idea how it makes me feel, watching you get hurt like this?? throwing yourself around like some kind of — like a living shield??"

he's not going to cry. starline is not about to cry.

"you... could have died." infinite says quietly. "all those times, and today, if i hadn't stepped in — for you those blows would have been life changing, if not fucking fatal. do you know how that makes me feel, star?! i can't let that happen. it's so easy to just, imagine you laying there, not moving, the blood, and..." their fingers — god, the ones they still have — twitch restlessly. infinite picks at their claws.

starline can hardly restrain the choked noise that fights its way out of him.

they're doing this for him, to protect him, this is all his —

"it's not your fault." infinite speaks firmly, as if sensing his thought process. "but objectively..." they wave a hand, sighing, "you know? this doesn't even hurt me."

"it hurts me." starline exhales through his nose wearily. "emotionally."

"i'd rather you be a bit emotionally distressed than dead," infinite scoffs softly, "let me repeat; the damage i take isn't permanent or painful. you, on the other hand, are one accident from being... i don't even want to imagine it."

"then what am i supposed to do?!"

"be more careful and i won't have to get involved." infinite shrugs.

starline groans.

"why does it bother you so much?"

"are you kidding?!"

the lack of response would point toward no, apparently.

"because i care about you, you absolute fool!"

infinite falters for a moment.

"...but. i'm not in pain. i can be fixed. what are you afraid of?"

starline gazes at them wordlessly.

i'm afraid one day i won't be able to fix you.

i'm afraid i'm going to lose you.

i'm terrified of losing you because i love you but you don't know that and you can't know that.

"...star?"

"i — look, forget it. i just, i don't want to talk about this anymore, i need to repair your arm."

"you're hiding something."

"aren't you perceptive..." starline can't help but mutter.

"are you okay?"

does it look like it?

"i'm fine."

"could at least put a little effort into it if you're going to lie." infinite mumbles.

"would you just...!" starline takes a deep breath. "be quiet. please."

infinite briefly opens their mouth as if preparing to protest, but ultimately falls silent. they look away, absently staring off at the far window.

starline grabs his tools. he just... has to focus on work. this will probably take a while, he realises. it's easily the most damage infinite has ever taken — at least during their time with him. he's worked with robotics a long time, but infinite is a highly advanced android, and they require extra care, presicion.

infinite's shoulder sparks again. they don't react.

"...you really don't feel anything, do you?"

infinite raises a brow.

oh. right. i told them not to talk.

they shake their head, and starline nods, uttering a quiet "sorry."

no reply.

"can i... start the repair?"

"...you're not just going to go ahead and do it?"

"no. never. listen, i've made habit of asking for your consent and i have no intention of breaking it. it's your body."

"...i don't mind."

"alright."

starline supresses a sigh and begins to tackle the rather daunting task of fixing up and reattaching infinite's lost arm, which has been laying motionless on the table for the past ten minutes. despite the lack of blood, absence of stench, as would be had if infinite was organic, it's still disturbing somehow. he shivers at the thought of dealing with dismembered flesh, of muscle and bone, and finds himself suddenly a lot more appreciative that infinite is an artificial being.

despite the knowledge infinite can't actually feel any of what he's doing, starline proceeds slowly, gently. regardless of whether they can feel it, their body deserves to be treated with respect. he fiddles with their wires delicately between his fingers, turns bolts and adjusts joints with only as much firmness as necessary, apologises when he has to snap certain supports back into place. now and then, he glances at infinite, who looks oddly tense, contemplative... uncertain.

"are you... uncomfortable?"

"what...? no, i... i told you i can't feel it, didn't i?" they say distantly.

"well — yes, but, what about mentally? are you alright...? do you want me to stop? i'm sorry that these procedures are so... invasive, and it probably, after —"

— no, no, what are you doing don't bring that up —

"...ah. nevermind."

infinite blinks, as if processing his words, and then their expression shifts in understanding.

"you're fine. i mean, this is.... i'm fine." they affirm.

"...okay."

"i mean it. it's... you're nothing like him."

there was once a time starline would have found such a statement insulting. nowadays, he can't be more relieved infinite thinks as such. he adjusts his glasses and continues tinkering away, figuring he won't get much else out of them, at least for now. whatever is on their mind, he'll let it be. the rest of the repair goes smoothly, time passing in a silence that is isn't uncomfortable, nor fully comfortable. he can't help but feel bad about the... was it an argument? he isn't sure, really. maybe that's what infinite was thinking about...?

as he wraps things up, closing the last panel on their forearm and preparing to request that infinite run through a few tests to make sure everything is working correctly, they finally speak; though it isn't anything starline was expecting them to say.

"you could destroy me," infinite utters softly, and they just kind of... look at him, something in their eyes that starline can't put a name to. "if you wanted to. you could rip me apart from the inside."

"i... guess i could." starline murmurs, his fingers lightly trailing over the panel, hidden beneath infinite's fur, the only sign of its existence being several small ridges and the bump of a screw head. "does that scare you?"

infinite smiles. "it's terrifying." they reply. "to allow myself to be so vulnerable... to — to want to let my guard down."

starline blinks in surprise.

to want to...? they want to let me in?

"then why...?" he tilts his head curiously. his hand stills, but lingers where it is.

infinite shrugs loosely. "it's you."

oh.

starline, don't you even think about it, that isn't what they mean...!

he clears his throat awkwardly.

"er... is that... supposed to explain it?"

"it's all i've got." infinite replies. the small quirk of their lips broadens a bit, and they chuckle. "sorry."

...starline finds himself smiling back.

god, he's tired, the past hour has been immeasurably draining, but... this, this makes it all worth it. seeing them like that... it lifts all the stress, the anxiety. he feels lighter.

"thank you."

"huh?"

"for trusting me. i know it... must take a lot."

infinite shifts their hand — the one that hadn't been damaged — and hesitantly, very slowly reaches over. they look between starline's hand still resting on their inner arm, just above the wrist, starline's eyes, his hand again, and starline goes to withdraw — but before he can do so, infinite places their own over it.

"thank you." they whisper. "for treating me kindly. for treating me like... a person."

starline's breath catches in his throat. oh god, he cannot mess this up. infinite never — they never initiate contact like this, ever. he can't scare them away, he knows it's difficult for them to be touched, let alone how much faith they're showing in him to touch, and he will not squander all their progress. nothing will ruin this moment.

"you are one."

"...i care about you too, star."

"i — what?"

"you said earlier that you cared about me. i care about you too," they elaborate, a flicker in their eyes, this time something starline recognises, as quickly as it's hidden again; fondness. a very specific kind of fondness that... no — he isn't sure if he's imagining this or not. he has to be. surely, he's making it up. wishful thinking, seeing what one wants to.

"...a lot. more than you know." infinite finishes.

starline gazes into their eyes steadily, searching, trying to find it again. infinite stares back, almost like they're looking for something, too. oh, how easy it would be; to lean down, move in, to kiss them, but starline is not going there. he has no confirmation infinite likes him like, well, that and, it would be far too fast even if they did. not to mention he certainly wouldn't do it without asking.

"...you're hiding something too, aren't you?" starline settles for asking vaguely.

infinite's eyes widen slightly, then glitter mysteriously, amused.

"aren't you perceptive?"

[spideymarvelws]

It Was Fun While It Lasted

Main Masterlist / Add Yourself To My Taglists

A/n : this is kind of an alternate ending to endgame ig? a version where your a long lost child of thanos and Peter lost the gauntlet only to find it at the same time as you and plot ensues. Kind of the same thing with Clint and nebula but way further down in the movie. I just really wanted to write a villain reader okay leave me alone idk what im doing. also sorry for any inaccuracies i havent watched endgame is so long😭im just going off what i remember. 

Summary : Despite your life on earth, your life with the avengers, you’ve always felt like something was missing. You never felt that longing to save the people of the world, their wide smiles and thanks never satisfied you like it did everyone else. That was until Thanos told you about your true past, your true purpose.

To destroy the universe.

Warnings : cursing, betrayal, (ik we should just give Peter a break, but its for the plot im sorry) just pretty angsty so you’ve been warned

Word Count : 2.8k

Heavily inspired by this and this playlist on youtube

Peter Parker x GN!Villian!Reader

...

“It’s under all that ruckus,” Sam yelled through coms, flying over the fallen building he once called the avenger’s compound, “Can anyone reach?”

Peter webbed one of the aliens, using the makeshift leash to pull himself over the creature, knocking it into another one of his kind. His new spider legs retracted from his suit, helping him land gracefully on the floor quick enough to see the domino effect he just caused.

He quickly caught Sam’s words, looking up to see he was right outside the fallen building.

“I can!” he quickly said, flicking his wrist to catch on to a random flying alien, pulling it down to the floor as he took flight, landing on the top of one of the cracked walls. He swiftly searched for an opening under the rubble with the help of Karen tracking where he looked.

Suddenly a red light flashed from a cave like opening, giving him a small cheer at victory. As he crawled into the gap, some static came through his ear piece signalling that someone was about to talk.

“Good luck Kid,” Tony muttered into his ear followed by a loud blast as the comms cut off. Even with the rough cut, he could still feel the small smile making its way to his face.

Though there was a full fledged war going on that might decide whether everyone lived or not, all his young brain could think about was how cool it was to be fighting alongside every superhero he’s ever known, and more. If only he could go back to when he first got bitten, to tell his past self that at some point in the future he would be fighting alongside the avengers.

That he himself was an avenger.

It was crazy to think about. To think about how far he’s come that he was able to save the world and not just help some old lady cross the street. As thoughts continued to bloom in his head, he carefully crawled through all the debris, taking care that he didn't stick to parts that might take down the small opening.

Soon enough he found a clearing, what looked like a living room area judging from the couch covered in dust and the familiar stone pillars and plants. He detached himself from the ceiling, landing softly on the floor as he looked around the dirty room, moving away from the flickering wires that hung from the slanted ceiling.

He soon caught sight of something shiny and gold from underneath a fallen pillar. He punched his arm in the air, running to the object and carefully pulling the gauntlet out of its snug position.

“Found it,” he said into his comms, grunting as it finally released, sending him back slightly, “Coming out now,”

“I’ll meet you outside,” Tony said before cutting off once again.

Peter looked back at the opening determined, strutting towards the exit, his confidence growing with each step. A crunch of debris shook him out of his pride, making him stop in his tracks. He quickly ducked behind a piller, looking at the shadows shown on the wall opposite him with his hand ready to web whatever it was making its way into the cavern.

But as soon as he caught your silhouette standing in the shadows, he let out a deep breath, his shoulders sagging as his muscles lost the sudden tension. He stepped out from his hiding spot to greet you.

“Oh thank god it’s you,” Peter chuckled, his hand falling to his side as he adjusting the gauntlet in his hand, “I thought it was another one of those alien thingies,”

You stayed silent, standing ominously with your arms to the side, twirling your gun slowly. He couldn't see your face hidden in the shadows, only the red glow of the necklace around your neck, illuminating details of your suit on your chest. He noticed how your body shook lightly, like a bomb about to go off. 

Peter chuckled nervously, tightening his hold on the glove.

“Is- is everything alright?” He said, taking careful steps towards you. 

He didn't listen to the voices in his head telling him to run, to get away as fast as he could. You were his friend, his partner in crime he liked to say. 

You would never hurt him.

You stayed silent a few seconds longer, the only thing proving to him that you weren't a lifeless manikin were your movements as you shifted from leg to leg. But he didn't think much of it, it was a scary time for everyone. Maybe you were just glad that he got the gauntlet and not someone from Thanos’ army. Maybe you were just glad to know he was okay after being separated.

“I’m sorry Peter,” you finally spoke up, your voice dangerously low, something he wasn't use to, “But I’m going to need you to give me that glove,”

Peter was taken back by your words, mostly still confused but also slightly worried at your words and sudden presence, “What! Why?”

“I can’t-,” you let out a harsh breath, “I can’t tell you why Peter, just give me the damn glove,”

“No, I-,” he let out a gasp when you raised your gun, aiming it directly at his chest, “Woah, woah, woah!” he held his empty hand up in defence, “What are you doing!”

“I’m getting that glove one way or another Parker,” you said harshly, your tone slashing at his heart, “So either you give it to me or i’m prying it off your dead corpse, you decide,”

Peter stayed silent, trying to process your sudden change in, well, you.

Only minutes ago, you were fighting alongside him, well what felt like minutes ago. He lost all concept of time when the army charged towards him, his main focus was getting that gauntlet away from Thanos and doing his job as an avenger. 

But you were there, using the same gun pointing at him now to blast the same aliens attacking him. That was until the land beneath you detached itself, creating a small floating piece of dirt that took you up in the air, taking you away from him.

He didn't have time to follow you when he got tackled to the floor, losing sight of you as you moved to the direction of Thanos.

That's when it clicked in his head.

But before he could question anything, his senses went off as he narrowly dodged the blast of your gun. With the distraction, you took the opportunity to lunge at him, knocking him to the floor.

“What did he do to you!” he grunted, throwing up the gauntlet and webbing it to the ceiling. Before you could jump for it, he tackled you to the floor, webbing one of your hands to the ground.

“He told me the truth!” you screamed, punching him in the nose with your other hand. He webbed that hand to the floor as it tried to reach out to your gun. He kicked away the weapon, webbing the rest of your body, making sure that you were secure, unable to escape.

He didn't want to, but you were unstable, not yourself. Whatever Thanos did to you, fucked up the person he knew, the person he loved and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He was determined to get you back.

“What do you mean ‘truth’? Do you hear yourself right now!” he said in vain, his chest heaving with every breath. 

You stopped struggling in the webs, making Peter question if you ever were. You only laid with a wide smile on your face that soon turned into hysterical laughter. Tears flowed freely from your eyes as you tried to catch your breath making Peter’s breath hitch.

“loud and clear Peter,” you managed to get out, your laughs calming down to little giggles.

“Then why are you doing this? Why did you attack me!”

You rolled your eyes, “You refused to give the what i wanted that’s why,”

“But why do you want it?” he said desperately, growing annoyed with your vague words.

“Why do you want to save the world?” you countered, “Because it feels good right? You feel accomplished? You feel needed, you feel useful,” you shook your head, “You feel like aching pain in your chest to do the right thing, to do what you think is right for the world” you paused, “So what’s so wrong in wanting to destroy it,”

“I save the world because it's the right thing to do Y/n,” he said seriously, disgusted that you would think of the possibility of destroying the universe, “You’re killing innocent people! You lived through those five years, you knew how devastating it was for everyone,”

“But i enjoyed it,” you cut him off, “I enjoyed watching them suffer, because- because i knew it was the right thing, what Thanos did- it was destiny. It was fate! But you fail to see that, you all fail to fucking see it!”

“See what! See what!” he shouted, trying his best to understand what you were saying because none of it was processing in his head.

“People don’t appear out of thin air Peter! I didn’t have a family or friends! I woke up in the middle of nowhere! Knowing nothing about myself and you people fucking took me in and USED me because of my skil!” you spat, “When i asked to find my real family you all denied it, you denied everything i ever said, i asked, you people did nothing for me!”

He started to back away when he noticed your hands begin to glow red, the webs around your body melting off your skin. Suddenly his hands became heavy, something cold clicking around his wrists, pulling him to his knees. He struggled, his muscles strained as he tried to break free but it was futile.

He let himself get trapped, he let himself get distracted.

What confused him more was your sudden power. You were known for your slick fighting skills and use of your guns and various weapons. Not powers that made chains burst out of the ground strong enough to withhold him even with his super strength.

Did Thanos do this to you? Is this why you turned to his side, because he gave you special abilities?

“But now, I know my true self, I know my purpose,” you continued, “I’m not a superhero Peter, maybe not by your definition. Saving all those people, using my powers for ‘good’ means nothing to me,” you stood tall over him, power surging through your veins, “cause guess what! It’s repetitive! People will always find a way to get hurt, to use people for their gain! Humans! Humans are a fucking waste of time but you all never saw that. You just saw the good not the evil,”

“Because that’s our j-”

“Because that’s our job, yes I know, but it's not,” you cut him off once more, “Who ever said that we need to protect people who can’t even help themselves? Who ever said we needed to have this responsibilities on our shoulders for something we can’t even control,” you pointed at him, “You never asked to be spiderman, sure the same can’t be the same for iron man or captain america but they choose that, we didn’t,” you sighed, “But none of you understand that, only-” you paused, “only Thanos does,”

“Is that why you're doing this? Because of something our enemy said,”

“Your enemy, not mine,” you smiled weakly, “He’s made more sense to me that any of you have, he showed me my true powers, my true self in the matter of minutes, something you all couldn't do in years,” your hands dropped to your side, “because he’s my family, he knows my true destiny the real reason why I was given my gift,” you gestured to the gauntlet, “And that’s to complete what he started, that’s why he put me on earth Peter, and I can’t let you or anyone ruin that for me,”

That’s when it clicked, “You’re his child,”

You smiled softly at his words, “I’m not a hero Peter,” your shoulder shook as you let out a tired laugh, “I’ve tried telling you this so many times but you-,” you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, “You just never fucking listened!”

Peter stayed silent, looking down at the floor in defeat. You knelt down in front of him, talking his jaw in your fingers to pull his face up, forcing him to look into your eyes.

“I never wanted to hurt you Peter,” you whispered, your eyes softening as you looked directly into his now dull, dirty browns.

“You already did,” he sneered, feeling no remorse for his words, “You did when you took his side, when you betrayed us, after everything we’ve fucking been through your side with a purple fucking raisin,”

You only sighed, your head dropping as you stood back up, stretching your back, “You’ll understand Peter, one day you will,” you began to walk back to the gauntlet, flicking your fingers to get rid of the webs, “To bad I won’t be there for that to happen,”

The shiny piece of metal fell softly into your hands, laying snugly in your palms. Peter watched with dread as your eyes glimmered with glee, reflecting all the colours of the stones, glowing dimly when it landed on the red one.

“How do you think it’s going to feel?” you said out loud, staring in awe at the gauntlet, “I mean I’ve felt the wrath of one stone but six?!” you chuckled, “I could only imagine what that must feel like,”

Peter only grumbled at your words, looking around for something, anything that might spark a light in his mind. That might help him to escape but he found nothing. You had the power of a fucking infinity stone running through your body, if he were to try anything you were sure to break him back down despite which stone you got your powers from. It didn't matter, you were still stronger than him in every way.

“Question is, should I put the glove on, then the stones? Or maybe the other way around? Should I do them all at once or individually,” you looked back at him with a mad grin, “The options huh?”

“You really are his child,” Peter grumbled, looking off to the side, “Sick and twisted, just like him,”

“See! You finally get it!” you said excitedly, throwing your arms in the air, “Glad to know we’re finally on the same page,” you giggled right after. 

Normally it would make his heart flutter, but now it only made him sick to his stomach.

“God, It’s just-” you took a deep breath, “I’ve haven't used my powers in fear of hurting others that- that I never even cared about! I just acted like i cared cause- cause that was my job right? That’s what everyone said!” you flicked your hands at the glove, morphing it into the perfect size to fit your arm right in front of his eyes, “Now, I could explore its limits, its full power without being thrown into some tacky jail in the middle of nowhere,” You grinned, “Isn't that exciting?”

You began to take out each individual stone, keeping them floating by your ideas, your eyes flickering from each one to judge it like it was a beauty pageant.

Peter looked at you ridiculously, “No, it isn't,” he took a deep breath, “Y/n, this isn’t you,”

You chuckled, fitting the glove on your hand snuggly as you raised the six individual stones further in the air, spinning them around you, “On the contrary,” you moved the space stone to one of the slots, groaning as its power seeping into your body, “I think this is most i’ve felt like myself in a while!”

He watched in horror as you put each stone in its individual departments, your smile growing wider and wider with each one. Your body began to float off the floor, the light emitted almost blinding him at how bright it grew.

“You don’t have to do this Y/n!” Peter shouted desperately, grunting as he pulled on the chains keeping him locked to the floor, “God dammit Y/n! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

You ignored his pleas, his words void of anything to your ears. 

“I’m sorry Peter,” you whispered, turning back to look at him with red glowing eyes, “But the villains just have more fun,” you cackled, breath heavy as the power of all the stones surged through your veins, making them pop with colour, “And I’m about to have the time of my life,”

With that, a bright white light filled Peter’s eyes, knocking him back against the debris, taking him out cold on the floor.

...

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